What’s worse than basic bro movies? Basic bros incessantly quoting basic bro movies. For all the girls out there dating these brosefs, the world is terribly sorry for you. One of the most unfortunate aspects of dating basic bros is their taste in movies. Some of the movies bros make their girlfriends watch are painful to endure. The dumbest bro movies of all time are like slow-acting poison darts shot surreptitiously into your soul. Other films counted among the most basic bro movies ever are decent (some are comedy classics), but nevertheless fall into the bro movie canon. A lot of these cinematic excretions are filled with cheap gimmicks and amount to nothing more than one cliché after another.
A resonating theme in a lot of these movies is blaring homoeroticism. Bros who are obviously gay but won't admit it can’t seem to get enough of male-on-male contact buddy comedies, or action flicks with sweaty, shirtless muscle men. So, here's a list for you of the worst, most dumbass bro movies, and some of the more decent ones you can’t help but crack a smile at.
Reasons They Love This Movie: “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” See, basic bros like to think they get this crazy when they go out with their friends. The Hangover is the ultimate bromantic comedy, and frat boys across the nation quote it more than your Catholic grandmother quotes the bible.
What’s Redeemable About It: It has some pretty funny scenes, mostly thanks to Zach Galifianakis. Bradley Cooper is also not so bad to look at, as any basic bro will tell you.
How Much It Makes You Want To Break Up With Them On A Scale Of 1 To 10: 3
#41 on The Best Movies of the '00s
#93 on The Best Movies of All Time
Reasons They Love This Movie: American Pie evokes basic bro nostalgia for the wild nights they didn’t have and crazy parties they didn’t go to in high school. They like to think it reminds them of their own sexual awakening, which in reality probably hasn’t happened yet. It’s gross and gratuitous sexual humor is right up their alley.
What’s Redeemable About It: It may have been funny when you watched it at 17, but watching it as an adult may make you want to claw your eyes out. The only redeemable thing about it is Eugene Levy.
How Much It Makes You Want To Break Up With Them On A Scale Of 1 To 10: 5
#9 on The Funniest '90s Movies
#13 on The Best Movies of 1999
Reasons They Love This Movie: Bros like to think they're modern-day Don Juans like Vince Vaughn's and Owen Wilson’s characters in Wedding Crashers. They think tricking women into sleeping with them is pretty slick and macho. Only the love of a perfect woman can make them change their philandering ways.
What’s Redeemable About It: Christopher Walken. Aside from him, there are some pretty funny parts to the movie, but your boyfriend no doubt likes to quote the obnoxious lines, like “I’ll be in my room painting... homo things.”
How Much It Makes You Want To Break Up With Them On A Scale Of 1 To 10: 2
Reasons They Love This Movie: It’s a classic action series featuring Sylvester Stallone, a living god in the eyes of bros. For the majority of the movie, Stallone is shirtless, covered in sweat, and wielding a machine gun and a phallic knife. What more need be said?
What’s Redeemable About It: What Stallone lacks in dialogue, he makes up for in his physical acting. The first edition of Rambo, First Blood (1982), isn’t terrible. The story doesn’t make too much sense, but if your boyfriend can get a hard on watching Stallone run around shirtless for an hour and a half, you can enjoy it, too. When you get to Rambo III, you need to start worrying about your sanity.
How Much It Makes You Want To Break Up With Them On A Scale Of 1 To 10: 9
#66 on The Best War Movies Ever