Human Body Everything You've Always Been Too Afraid To Ask About Anal Sex  

Justin Andress
67.6k views 11 items

Though plowing the rear field becomes increasingly mainstream with each passing year of the 21st century, people have been sneaking in the backdoor pretty much since the beginning of human experimentation in the art of orifice ecstasy. It stands to reason gay men would have figured this out pretty early on, but Achilles and Patroclus weren't the only ancients who knew how to have anal sex; male-female (and maybe female-female) couples in the days of yore were also prone to grease the piston and slip it in the trunk. Indeed, cultures throughout history have been enticed by the backdoor, from the Greeks to the Moche Indians of Northern Peru.

In the days of smart phones, anal sex is everywhere (not literally unfortunately). Even sitcoms depict it as a normal part of a consensual relationship (along with a whole host of dangerous sexual positions). Hell, in Broad City, a swarthy lothario practically begs to be pegged. Some studies indicate it’s increasingly common for men to ask for anal on the first date, which makes sense if it's two people with dangly parts hooking up. But if one of you brings a taco and the other some salchicha, maybe you should pass go before collecting $200. It's a sad world when most men haven’t figured out the mystery of the skittle, but are comfortable asking to pilot Millennium Falcon into the center of the Death Star.  

With the prevalence of balloon knot spicing in 21st century life, there are surely amateurs out there who believe they can steal fifth base without any training. This is far from the truth, as getting the ass ready for butt sex is a lengthy and sensitive process for those who are new to the zoo. First time butt sex is a profound rite of initiation, but will hurt like hell and turn you off to kayaking muddy waters for life if you do it wrong. Enter the Internet, great beacon of hope for all those afraid to ask friends or family for advice on entering through the rear. Here’s a step-by-step anal sex guide for kōmon virgins. If you’re hesitant to surf the hidden tide — which is totally understandable — here are some tips and hints to help make your first go of it a little more pleasurable. 

Coming To Terms With Ass: The Final Frontier

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If you've ever found yourself kneeling in a pew, gazing into the compassionate face of Christ as he languishes on the cross, asking "Jesus, why should I stick licorice in my hind maw?" you aren't alone.

You've got mouths, you've got birth canals. Both are wet, wide, and ready for company. Sure, it's possible you and your partner don't have a slop trough between you, but you do both have lip and tongues, perfect fish to hook on the rod and tackle. No matter what your sexual, gender, or biological situation, it's possible you're hesitant to bestow or receive divine provenance in a hole from which floweth turd.    

Which brings matters back to the question posed to Christ - why? Answers to this cover a lot of ground. For those with groin torpedoes, unleashing a round in a tight, clenched chamber offers pleasures not found in other ports of call. Then there's the call of the wild, the desire to go where you know you shouldn't, the sexual equivalent of ripping your clothes off and running naked through the Alaskan wilderness with wolves and bears. Or perhaps you're interested in diversity, are tired of the same salami sandwich every day. 

If you're a woman, maybe you've heard a passenger in the rear deck produces more frequent, more intense, orgasms. Perhaps you even read "The Riddle of the Sphincter: Why do women who have anal sex get more orgasms?" in Slate, which poses 13 reasons for the uptick of women who admit to having, and enjoying, anal. If you're a Youtuber, you may have stumbled upon orgasm coach Mariah Freya's "7 Rules for Blissful Anal Sex."

For all these reasons and more, your curiosity is piqued. Step number one in riding the slip-n-slide to Tushyville is getting over whatever hang ups you have and forging bravely forward with your desire to try something new. 

Remember: Consensual Or Bust, So Ask Nicely And Talk It Out

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Discuss any parade route that runs through the servant's entrance with your partner if it's something you'd really like to experience. If you want the job done correctly and pleasurably, open an honest and understanding channel of communication. Discuss your fantasies, desires, wants, likes, dislikes, and limits. Create a safeword if need be, and develop a deliberate plan. 

Talking about sex before doing it, especially a potentially touchy subject like taking the Ferrari on the Analbahn, might seem counterintuitive or awkward, but it will help you and your partner develop a trusting, meaningful relationship with the act. It's important for everyone to be on the same page when pushing sexual boundaries and trying new things. Continue your discussion into the act itself. 

Plan Ahead For The Cleanest Experience

If you're hind spelunking all the time, this might not be the advice you're looking for. If you're planning a first-time experience with partner, give yourself at least a few days to get ready. While it's probably impossible to guarantee a poo-free experience, given that the primary biological function of your puffer fish mouth is blasting out feces, you can take some steps to ensure a relatively clean experience. 

There's a two-pronged approach to this, diet and enemas. If you won't want to have to worry about what you're eating, pick up a home enema kit at your local drug store and get to washing. If you're not into the idea of enemas, you can eat a high-fiber diet to keep yourself regular and ensure things are moving through your system at a healthy clip.

You could ostensibly eat nothing for a day or two to make sure your tank is empty, but, as nutrition and fitness expert Davey Wavey points out, "Your body needs food, and starving yourself is depriving your body of the nutrients that it needs."

For gay bottoms or others who plan on regular receptions, Wavey recommends a healthy, balanced diet with a good amount of fiber is essential, but there's no way to ensure clean copulating every time. Your focus should be on staying healthy, not empty.  

Regardless of how much prep you do in the dieting an enema department, there's still the off chance you'll catch some stray fecal matter. To protect against adverse health effects, wear a condom. This will prevent bacteria in the anus from getting in your urethra (assuming you have a dong, and are not pegging). Because you can take a condom off and throw it away when you finish rear trumpeting, you can move on to front of the orchestra or the mouthpiece without worry of spreading anything from one hole to another. So, yeah, another thing. Don't go in and out of orifices willy-nilly. 

Be Safe And Get Tested Before Anything Goes Down

According to the Centers for Disease Control, “Anal sex is the riskiest sexual behavior for getting and transmitting HIV for men and women.” The penetrated partner is at especially high risk for the transmission of STDs and HIV, so it’s extremely important to ensure you’re taking every safety precaution necessary to preserve a sense of calm and security. 

If you're unsure whether your partner has STDs or HIV (you should know, but it's okay, no one's judging), ask him, her, or them to get tested. Or, you can suggest getting tested together. Whether you're slamming the bass drum at the back of the band or making mouth music, always be safe when it comes to bumping uglies, and make dispassionate, deliberate decisions.