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The Funnies Quotes From 'American Pie'

The best American Pie quotes prove why it is one of the quintessential teen comedies of the '90s. The simple premise of a group of high school boys who make a pact to lose their virginity by graduation resonated with American audiences, launching a highly successful comedic franchise. Funny one-liners, memorable lines, and laugh-out-loud American Pie movie quotes make this one comedy that stands the test of time and is still enjoyable to re-watch to this day. 

It's up to you to decide what the best American Pie quotes are. Vote for the ones that make you roll on the floor laughing. 

  • Photo: Universal

    This One Time, At Band Camp

    Michelle: Oh, and this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my p*ssy.

    Jim: Excuse me?

    Michelle: What? You don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is. Sex Ed. So, are we gonna screw soon? Cause I'm getting kinda antsy.

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  • Photo: Universal

    Stroking the Salami

    Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of  masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it "stroking the salami," yeah, you know, "pounding the old pud." I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake five to six times a day.

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  • Photo: Universal

    The Right Time

    Victoria: It's got to be completely perfect. I want the right time, the right moment, the right place.

    Jessica: Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex.

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  • Photo: Universal


    Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.

    Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator?

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