The Most Hilarious 'Bad Santa' Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
20 votes 6 voters 15 items

Most Christmas movies are designed to be fun for the whole family. That wasn't the case with Bad Santa. The best Bad Santa quotes prove that it's a really raunchy movie. The film starring Billy Bob Thornton has turned into a cult hit, receiving a lot of airtime on cable channels over the years (granted with all of the best bits edited out). You'll still find plenty of editing on this list of the best Bad Santa quotes. From the hilarious to the profane, this list will hopefully have you quoting from the movie in no time. 

What are some of your favorite Bad Santa movie quotes? Perhaps you like the realness that comes when Marcus says, "You need many years of therapy." Or what about when Willie admits to the terrible life situations he's been through, "I've had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out, and I got a bone-chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal." 

Your favorite one-liners from Bad Santa likely depends on how much of a twisted sense of humor you have. Check out our list of the best quotes and vote for the ones that make you laugh hardest. 

Everything About You Is Ugly is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Most Hilarious 'Bad Santa' Quotes
Photo:  Miramax
Everything About You Is Ugly

Marcus: You're an emotional f*cking cripple. Your soul is dog sh*t. Every single f*cking thing about you is ugly.

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I Weigh 92 Pounds is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Most Hilarious 'Bad Santa' Quotes
Photo:  Miramax
I Weigh 92 Pounds

Willie: You can't drink worth sh*t.

Marcus: I weigh 92 pounds, you d*ck!

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What Are Their Names? is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Most Hilarious 'Bad Santa' Quotes
Photo:  Miramax
What Are Their Names?

Kid: What are their names?

Willie: Who?

Kid: The Elves.

Willie: Sh*t, I can't remember, I think one of them is Sneezy and there's a Dopey...

Kid: That's the seven dwarfs!

Willie: You're sh*ttin' me? I thought... I was thinking there was a... I don't know! F*ck, kid; I just call them you know Bub, I call them... I say hey Bub or Chief or whatever the f*ck, I tell them to make the godd*mmed toys.

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It Made Me Feel Good is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Most Hilarious 'Bad Santa' Quotes
Photo:  Miramax
It Made Me Feel Good

Willie: You know, I think I've turned a corner.

Marcus: Yeah? You f*cking petites now?

Willie: No, I'm not talking about that. I beat the sh*t out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something.

Marcus: You need many years of therapy. Many, many f*ckin' years of therapy.

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