16 voters

The Funniest Things Charlie Kelly Ever Said

Updated November 5, 2019 110 votes 16 voters 1.9k views23 items

There are so many good ones, but do you have a favorite Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day) quote from It's Always Sunny? He may be the butt of a lot of the gang's jokes on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but he's proven himself to be a compassionate and caring guy... even if he is a crazy stalker who does every drug imaginable (to include drinking paint).

From his rather correct comment on the difficulty of finding employment with "Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, and fire off into Jobland, where jobs grow on Jobbies" to slightly less poignant comments about life with "No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.," let's take a look at the greatest Charlie Kelly quotes in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia history, ranked by your votes. 

Whatever your favorite Charlie Kelly quotes are, vote them up so Carol in HR will definitely see them.

  • 1

    Just Here To Eat Some Dude

    Charlie: Cannibalism? Racism? Dude, that's not for us...those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We're just here to eat some dude!


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    • 2

      Eat Snickers

      Charlie: I eat stickers all the time, dude!


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      • 3

        Unbang Your Mom

        Charlie: No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.


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        • Talk About Stress
          Photo: user uploaded image

          Talk About Stress

          Charlie: You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress?! Okay! I've stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Mac--how 'bout that for stress? 
          Mac: What the hell are you talking about?
          Charlie: This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Mac, and I've got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. Take a look at this.
          Mac: Jesus Christ, Charlie!
          Charlie: That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, OK? "Pepe Silvia," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia! Pepe Silvia! I look in the mail, and this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and he's going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh sh*t, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Pepe : Because we've already been fired.
          Mac: We've lost our jobs!
          Charlie: Yeah. About 3 days ago a couple pink slips came in the mail. One for you and one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia.
          Mac: If we've lost our jobs, then that means we've lost our health insurance. That means all of this was for nothing! Goddammit, dude, I am having a panic attack. I am actually having a panic attack.
          Charlie: Well, will you settle down and have another cup of coffee?
          Mac: I am, bro.
          Charlie: All right, well, fine. You know what, Barney? Give this guy a cigarette, he's freakin' out. (turns to a man in black trench coat and hat standing next to him)
          Mac: Huh? Who?
          Charlie: Barney. He's the one who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia.
          Mac: Barney? Who the hell is Barney?
          Charlie: You don't see the...(Looks around and Barney's disappeared) Holy sh*t! Where the hell did he go? (Yello's "Oh Yeah" starts playing) Day Bow Bow.
          Mac: You've lost your mind! You've lost your goddamned mind, Charlie. 



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