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The Best Chief Wiggum Quotes From 'The Simpsons'

Updated March 5, 2020 732 votes 76 voters 2.7k views25 items

Over the years, The Simpsons have added dozens of memorable characters to its roster. However, from the first season, it was clear that Chief Wiggum would have some of the best quotes. The incompetent police chief started out as outright corrupt, often plotting schemes with Mayor Quimby, but as time has gone on, he's turned into more of a bumbling fool. And with his more comedic angle, he's had some truly hilarious quotes.

Which of these are the best Chief Wiggum quotes? He engaged in a bit of social satire with the line, "Ladies, please. All our founding fathers, astronauts, and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine." He also showed exactly how inept he is at his job with the line, "This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."

It's not hard to find funny Chief Wiggum quotes. He has one in just about every season of the show. But which one is the funniest of all time? That's up to all of you Simpsons fans out there to decide.

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  • 1

    Hatless

    Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

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  • 2

    Bake 'Em Away, Toys

    Bart: Take him away, boys.

    Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'em away, toys.

    Lou: What'd you say, chief?

    Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.

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  • 3

    I Bet on the Other Team

    Chief Wiggum: We won! We won! Unfortunately, since I bet on the other team, we won't be going out for pizza.

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  • 4

    Forbidden Closet of Mystery

    Chief Wiggum: You know you're not suppose to go in there. What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?

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