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4.6k voters

The Funniest Lines From 'Christmas Vacation'

Updated December 27, 2019 30.4k votes 4.6k voters 226.0k views60 items

List RulesVote up the best single lines from this incredible, classic, dare we say "iconic," example of fine American filmmaking.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is quite possibly the best Christmas movie of all time. Sure, there are other classics, but few have the distinction of being such an incredibly quotable film. Rich with turns of phrase about "the sh*tter," Tylenol, dump trucks, and other holiday merriment, Christmas Vacation is John Hughes, screenwriter for the ages, at his finest.

What are the best lines in Christmas Vacation? How does a fan even decide? Sure, Clark (Chevy Chase) and Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) carry the film, but maybe you feel a strong affinity for Aunt Bethany and Uncle Lewis, or even find yourself partial to the select few zingers thrown about by Juliette Lewis as over-it teen Audrey Griswold. The good news is there are no wrong answers, and all funny Christmas Vacation quotes are deserving of your votes.

Why is the carpet all wet? Is Rusty still in the Navy? Have you saved the neck for Eddie? Help rank the funniest quotes from Christmas Vacation below by voting up the lines you repeat to patient friends and family members all year long.

Happy Hanukkah.

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  • 26
    285
    104

    I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom and your house is always parked in the same place.

    Ruby Sue
  • 27
    283
    106

    You couldn't hear a dump truck driving though a nitroglycerin plant!

    Uncle Lewis
  • 28
    313
    128

    Can't see the line, can you, Russ?

    Clark Griswold
  • 29
    275
    106

    Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. And forgive my husband, for he knows not what he does.

  • 30
    294
    119

    Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.

    Clark Griswold
  • 31
    200
    80

    Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair, it's a good quality item. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?

    Cousin Eddie
  • 32
    214
    89

    Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position.

    Ellen Griswold
  • 33
    207
    86

    You ain't never seen a set on a dog like this ones got, Clark.

    Cousin Eddie
  • 34
    257
    118

    Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car...

    Rusty Griswold
  • 35
    203
    86

    If this gets dented then my hair just ain't gonna look right.

    Cousin Eddie
  • 36
    222
    100

    Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone.

    Cousin Eddie
  • 37
    268
    133

    Oh, no, that there is an RV.

    Cousin Eddie
  • 38
    228
    110

    He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

    Catherine
  • 39
    215
    101

    Is your house on fire, Clark?

    Aunt Bethany
  • 40
    212
    100

    Is Rusty still in the Navy?

    Aunt Bethany
  • 41
    262
    135

    Sorry, sh*ttin' rocks.

    Ruby Sue
  • 42
    190
    85

    The little lights... they aren't twinkling.

    Art
  • 43
    196
    90

    Hey Gris, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogey.

    Uncle Lewis
  • 44
    193
    92

    Last season he was a pixie dust speaker on the Tilt-A-Whirl. He thinks that next year he'll be guessing people's weight or barkin’ for the yak lady.

    Cousin Eddie
  • 45
    207
    102

    You checked our sh*tters, honey?

    Clark Griswold
  • 46
    196
    95

    Let's burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.

    Clark Griswold
  • 47
    179
    85

    If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin' that hockey player.

    Cousin Eddie
  • 48
    172
    85

    The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thspirit of the Grithwold family Chrithmath.

    Clark Griswold
  • 49
    187
    97

    I'm gonna catch it in the coat... and smack it with the hammer.

    Clark Griswold
  • 50
    146
    74

    You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, you know what I mean?

    Cousin Eddie