National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is quite possibly the best Christmas movie of all time. Sure, there are other classics, but few have the distinction of being such an incredibly quotable film. Rich with turns of phrase about "the sh*tter," Tylenol, dump trucks, and other holiday merriment, Christmas Vacation is John Hughes, screenwriter for the ages, at his finest.
What are the best lines in Christmas Vacation? How does a fan even decide? Sure, Clark (Chevy Chase) and Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) carry the film, but maybe you feel a strong affinity for Aunt Bethany and Uncle Lewis, or even find yourself partial to the select few zingers thrown about by Juliette Lewis as over-it teen Audrey Griswold. The good news is there are no wrong answers, and all funny Christmas Vacation quotes are deserving of your votes.
Why is the carpet all wet? Is Rusty still in the Navy? Have you saved the neck for Eddie? Help rank the funniest quotes from Christmas Vacation below by voting up the lines you repeat to patient friends and family members all year long.
I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom and your house is always parked in the same place.Ruby Sue
You couldn't hear a dump truck driving though a nitroglycerin plant!Uncle Lewis
Can't see the line, can you, Russ?Clark Griswold
Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. And forgive my husband, for he knows not what he does.
Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.Clark Griswold
Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair, it's a good quality item. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?Cousin Eddie
Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position.Ellen Griswold
You ain't never seen a set on a dog like this ones got, Clark.Cousin Eddie
Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car...Rusty Griswold
If this gets dented then my hair just ain't gonna look right.Cousin Eddie
Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone.Cousin Eddie
Oh, no, that there is an RV.Cousin Eddie
He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.Catherine
Is your house on fire, Clark?Aunt Bethany
Is Rusty still in the Navy?Aunt Bethany
Sorry, sh*ttin' rocks.Ruby Sue
The little lights... they aren't twinkling.Art
Hey Gris, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogey.Uncle Lewis
Last season he was a pixie dust speaker on the Tilt-A-Whirl. He thinks that next year he'll be guessing people's weight or barkin’ for the yak lady.Cousin Eddie
You checked our sh*tters, honey?Clark Griswold
Let's burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.Clark Griswold
If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin' that hockey player.Cousin Eddie
The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thspirit of the Grithwold family Chrithmath.Clark Griswold
I'm gonna catch it in the coat... and smack it with the hammer.Clark Griswold
You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, you know what I mean?Cousin Eddie