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4.6k voters

The Funniest Lines From 'Christmas Vacation'

Updated December 27, 2019 30.4k votes 4.6k voters 226.2k views60 items

List RulesVote up the best single lines from this incredible, classic, dare we say "iconic," example of fine American filmmaking.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is quite possibly the best Christmas movie of all time. Sure, there are other classics, but few have the distinction of being such an incredibly quotable film. Rich with turns of phrase about "the sh*tter," Tylenol, dump trucks, and other holiday merriment, Christmas Vacation is John Hughes, screenwriter for the ages, at his finest.

What are the best lines in Christmas Vacation? How does a fan even decide? Sure, Clark (Chevy Chase) and Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) carry the film, but maybe you feel a strong affinity for Aunt Bethany and Uncle Lewis, or even find yourself partial to the select few zingers thrown about by Juliette Lewis as over-it teen Audrey Griswold. The good news is there are no wrong answers, and all funny Christmas Vacation quotes are deserving of your votes.

Why is the carpet all wet? Is Rusty still in the Navy? Have you saved the neck for Eddie? Help rank the funniest quotes from Christmas Vacation below by voting up the lines you repeat to patient friends and family members all year long.

Happy Hanukkah.

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  • 51
    167
    92

    It's a funny, squeaky sound.

    Aunt Bethany
  • 52
    151
    84

    Get me somebody, anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting.

    Frank Shirley
  • 53
    141
    79

    I don't want to spend the holidays DEAD!

    Ellen Griswold
  • 54
    127
    75

    We're not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we, Dad?

    Audrey Griswold
  • 55
    146
    96

    Eat my road grit, Liver Lips!

    Clark Griswold
  • 56
    118
    72

    And it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs… and your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip…

  • 57
    115
    72

    Clark, were stuck under a truck!

    Ellen Griswold
  • 58
    127
    83

    Your grandma's got a real painful bur on her heel. If you rub it for me, I'll give you a whole quarter!

    Grandma Griswold
  • 59
    125
    83

    It was an ugly tree anyway.

    Art
  • 60
    121
    81

    Is this the airport, Clark?

    Aunt Bethany