For those who struggle to punch back during an altercation, these stories may just help you learn how to win an argument. Redditors are sharing the best argument comebacks they've used or seen used, and they could be helpful the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.
- 147 VOTES
'We Never Think About You. You Really Don't Matter.'
From Redditor u/voice_of_craisin:
I was at Dairy Queen in Texas about 20 years ago. Two guys sitting at a table, and one caresses the other's arm, leans in, and kisses him. Nothing crazy. A[n] older couple on the way out stop and this interaction transpired:
Woman: You know what we call people like you?
Guy: K. You know what we call people like you?
Woman: Lemme guess, rednecks?
Guy: No. We don't call you anything. We never think about you. You really don't matter.
He went right back to his lunch and she shuffled away.
- 217 VOTES
'That's Generally How This Works'
From Redditor u/reptarFTW:
Was on a plane once, coming back from a "business" trip (read: company flew a bunch of us out to Vegas). Trip back from Vegas, so while I didn't Omgvegasbros it by any means, I was still a tad hungover, not feeling 100 percent.
Had a layover in Houston, so we're unboarding, and being a generally polite guy, I tell the lady in the row ahead of me to "go ahead, ma'am," more so assuring her I was going to let her into the aisle (she looked a bit hesitant, like she was afraid she might get bowled over... frequent flyers know how dumb/stampede-y passengers can be).
Lady looks at me, scoffs, and goes, "Yeah, that's generally how this works."
I was livid. I don't get mad easily, but I could feel my blood boiling, to be a bit cliche about it. I was just trying to be polite and assure her she could exit into the aisle, because sometimes the unboarding process can be a bit messy and people are idiots, so it doesn't hurt to let people know you're going to let them out.
I didn't have a good comeback at first. I just said, "I was just trying to be nice, but yeah, make a thing of it." She turned around, in full Academy Award mode, scoffing and looking for other passengers to rally to her side or something, like I was some huge [jerk]and she was victimized by all of this. Everyone else just kind of looked away and felt embarrassed for her.
She keeps making this scene as we're trying to exit, and in all this scoffing and eye-rolling and acting like a child, I accidentally step on her heel. She turns around angrily this time and says, "Watch where you're stepping, you just stepped on me!"
To which I reply, with the only good comeback of my life: "Then keep walking and get your [butt] off of this plane... that's generally how this works."
She shut up after that.
- 37 VOTES
'I Don't Sound Nearly Disappointed Enough'
From Redditor u/CSLC:
I think the greatest comeback I ever used was... A friend of mine said that I "sound just like his dad," and I simply responded, "I don't sound nearly disappointed enough."
- 412 VOTES
'Look At Your Life'
From a Redditor:
Him: "You're never gonna amount to anything. Not unless you [some list of tasks that were relevant to the argument]."
Me: "Yeah, you're one to talk. Look at your life. You work minimum wage, you're 30, and you still live with your parents."
Granted, it was kind of mean. He was telling me to drop out of college and do a specific list of tasks to just "become successful," which are also the same damn things that he tried and failed to achieve. He's smug and arrogant, and I didn't ask for his advice.
- 520 VOTES
'Are You Jealous?'
From a former Redditor:
My best friend had quite long hair in high school.
An older girl came up to him and said (sarcastically), "Well ,don't you look like a pretty girl."
He replies "Are you just jealous because you don't?"
- 611 VOTES
'This Argument Is Frivolous'
From Redditor u/Dont_u_mean_waffles:
I was getting yelled at by my boss because I started doing a job and then quit it to do something else. While explaining why I did it, I told him the first job I was doing was frivolous. He stopped me and said, "I don't know what frivolous means." I replied with, "This argument is frivolous," and walked away. My boss never yelled at me again.