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The Greatest Dale Gribble Quotes From 'King of the Hill'

Dale Gribble is Hank Hill's next door neighbor, but he's also a paranoid conspiracy nut who's willing to share the truth with you, even if you really don't want to hear it. Here is a list of the greatest Dale Gribble quotes of all time, ranked by your votes.

Showing off is not one of Dales setbacks. He's always ready to prove he's on another level than you with quotes like, "I killed eight gophers last year and a purebred Tennessee walking horse that was looking at me funny." Instead of coffee or tea to stay up all night, Dale finds comfort in soda - "Boil up some Mountain Dew; it's gonna be a long night." Dale Gribble quotes rarely seem to make sense, but that's honestly why we love them so much in the first place.

Vote up your favorite Dale Gribble quotes below, no matter what episode or season they are from, and try not to get pocket sand thrown in your eyes in the process.

  • 5

    I Needn't

    Dale talking to an investigator at the scene.

    Dale Gribble: Find the body yet, Quincy?

    Investigator: We have some remains that we're analyzing, you needn't concern yourself.

    Dale Gribble: Oh, I needn't, shouldn't I? And maybe I should not know that all Mega Lo Mart employees have a five thousand dollar insurance policy.

    Investigator: That's nonsense. This is a very straightforward investigation.

    Dale Gribble: Heh, that's what they want you to think.

    Investigator: Sir, we are they.

    [Dale twitches surprised and runs away]

    Agree or disagree?
  • 6

    Washington Lobbist

    [Dale is wearing a suit for Halloween.]

    Dale Gribble: Booooo! I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist, peddling influence! Who wants candy?

    Agree or disagree?
  • 7

    Wet My Pants

    Dale Gribble: They wanted to see me wet my pants from fear... but they're too late!

    Agree or disagree?
  • 8


    Dale Gribble: I know what's wrong with it. It's a Ford. You know what they say Ford stands for, don't ya? It stands for 'Fix it again, Tony'.

    Hank Hill: You're thinking of a Fiat, Dale.

    Dale Gribble: "Fix... it... again..."

    Agree or disagree?