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The Greatest Dale Gribble Quotes From 'King of the Hill'

Updated April 19, 2019 1.5k votes 314 voters 18.3k views25 items

Dale Gribble is Hank Hill's next door neighbor, but he's also a paranoid conspiracy nut who's willing to share the truth with you, even if you really don't want to hear it. Here is a list of the greatest Dale Gribble quotes of all time, ranked by your votes.

Showing off is not one of Dales setbacks. He's always ready to prove he's on another level than you with quotes like, "I killed eight gophers last year and a purebred Tennessee walking horse that was looking at me funny." Instead of coffee or tea to stay up all night, Dale finds comfort in soda - "Boil up some Mountain Dew; it's gonna be a long night." Dale Gribble quotes rarely seem to make sense, but that's honestly why we love them so much in the first place.

Vote up your favorite Dale Gribble quotes below, no matter what episode or season they are from, and try not to get pocket sand thrown in your eyes in the process.

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  • 1

    Pocket Sand!

    Dale Gribble: Pocket sand! Sh-sh-sha! (*tosses sand in the eyes of his attacker)

    204
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  • 2

    Oranges In Alaska

    Hank Hill: How is cutting down on pollution a government plot, Dale?

    Dale Gribble: Open up your eyes, man. They're trying to control global warming. Get it? GLO-BAL.

    Hank Hill: So what?

    Dale Gribble: That's code for U.N. commissars telling Americans what the temperature's going to be in their outdoors. I say let the world warm up, see what Boutros Boutros-Ghali-Ghali thinks about that! We'll grow oranges in Alaska.

    Hank Hill: Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas. It's already 110° in the summer, and if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your a**!

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  • 3

    The Beast

    Dale Gribble: Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose. By now, your name and particulars have been fed into every laptop, desktop, mainframe, and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the global information conspiracy, otherwise known as... "the Beast".

    117
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  • 4

    Humpty's Revenge

    Dale Gribble: This tornado's already registered a level two on the Fujisaki scale. A storm that strong will send an egg through a barn door - two barn doors if one of them's open.

    Bobby Hill: What about a level three, Mr. Gribble?

    Dale Gribble: A level three tornado will blow an egg right through a brick wall. Twister chasers call it "Humpty's Revenge."

    103
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