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The Greatest Dr. Zoidberg Quotes From Futurama

Despite the fact that he's perpetually broke and smells like garbage, Dr. Zoidberg is still a fan favorite on Futurama and delivers some of the show's best lines that'll have you in stitches. It's time to stop asking "why not Zoidberg?" and finally rank the funniest quotes from Planet Express's resident doctor. Here are the best Dr. Zoidberg quotes of all time, ranked by your votes.

Although he's portrayed as being incompetent, Zoidberg still carries himself like he's a world class doctor, with lines like: "I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's treated." When it comes to the most popular Zoidberg quote, the one that first comes to mind is, "your music is bad and you should feel bad!"

Vote up your favorite Dr. Zoidberg quotes below, no matter what episode or season they are from. They don't necessarily have to be funny Zoidberg quotes, since he has some sentimental moments on the show.

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  • My Name Is
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    112 VOTES

    My Name Is

    Clamps: Hey, scuttle on home. Dis ain't none of your business, slick.

    Zoidberg: My name isn't Slick, it's Zoidberg. JOHN (beep)ing ZOIDBERG!

    112 votes
  • Your Music Is Bad
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    121 VOTES

    Your Music Is Bad

    Hedonismbot: Less reality, more fantasy. Resume the opera!

    Fry: But I can't play anymore!

    Zoidberg: Yes you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands!

    [Fry begins playing off-key and the audience starts booing.]

    Zoidberg: Your music is bad and you should feel bad!

    121 votes
  • My People Ate Them All
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    94 VOTES

    My People Ate Them All

    Prof. Farnsworth: I'm sorry, Fry, but anchovies went extinct in the 2200s.

    Fry: Wha?

    Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, my, yes. Fished out of existence... just about the time your people arrived on Earth, Dr. Zoidberg.

    Zoidberg: I'm not on trial here.

    Fry: So, none of you have ever had anchovies? Oh, man! You don't know what you're missing. They were salty and oily and melted in your mouth...

    Zoidberg: Okay, okay! I admit it! My people ate them all! We kept saying one more couldn't hurt, and then they were gone! We're sorry!

    94 votes
  • Lost More Patients
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    91 VOTES

    Lost More Patients

    Dr. Zoidberg: I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's treated.

    91 votes
  • Bubble Bath
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    65 VOTES

    Bubble Bath

    Leo Wong: Anyway, make yourselves at home.

    [Dr. Zoidberg comes downstairs wearing a bathrobe]

    Dr. Zoidberg: Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have any more of this Dom Pérignon bubble bath? There was only enough to fill the tub halfway.

    65 votes
  • My Mother Was A SAINT!
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    130 VOTES

    My Mother Was A SAINT!

    Zoidberg: Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain.

    [Fry opens his mouth]

    Zoidberg: No, no, not that mouth.

    Fry: I only have one.

    Zoidberg: Really?

    Fry: Uh... is there a human doctor around?

    Zoidberg: Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say "Bbrglgrglgrrr"!

    Fry: Uh... yededededededede!

    Zoidberg: What?! My mother was a SAINT! GET OUT!!!

    130 votes