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The Best Stories from Comedy Central's Drunk History

Updated August 25, 2020 1.8k votes 357 voters 47.3k views36 items

Season after season, funny stories from Drunk History pile up, emanating a boozy cloud of comedy and leaving behind a trail of historical nuggets. But which are your favorite? It’s a difficult task deciding which are the best Drunk History stories when each episode is packed full of talent who throw themselves face first into the burp-riddled stories of the ages. 

Which is your favorite Drunk History retelling? Crissle West regaling the heroism of dope-ass spy Harriet Tubman? Jen Kirkman making Winona Ryder as Mary Dyer curse her way around 1600s Boston? Bill Hader performing as Jenny Slate narrates the story of Coca Cola? How about that time Bob Woodward threw up on Deep Throat’s shoes? And we know what a tool James Cook was, but Jonah Ray gives him some extra tooliness as he slurs his way to Hawaii to terrorize King Kalaniopuu. These episodes had some great moments. 

But are these stories told by writers, comedians, and actors who are completely drunk off their asses accurate, you’re probably not asking? Psshaw! If you’re getting your historical information from Drunk History, you’re probably going to be just fine, unless you’re trying to pass a test or something. 

Drunk History’s version of Lewis and Clark should be taught in school. Not because it’s accurate, but more because Alie Ward and Georgia Hardstark OMG hard throughout the retelling, making it relatable. After all, isn’t that what history is supposed to about? OMGing hard? 

What are the best Drunk History stories so far? Vote them up with a rousing, pantsless HUZZAH and BLEEP! 

  • 1

    Mark Gagliardi Sneezes Through Stetson Kennedy’s Infiltration of the Ku Klux Klan

    Video: YouTube

    This obscure and fascinating story ties the KKK to Superman and is highlighted by Gagliardi’s sneezes and tendency to lie on the floor. Jason Ritter as Stetson Kennedy, the man who infiltrated the KKK, deftly handles the sneeze attack. Regardless, Gagliardi manages to impress as he narrates the Superman radio show on his back. 

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  • 2

    Jen Kirkman Is an Emotional, Sloshed Mess for Mary Dyer

    Video: YouTube

    Kirkman has been slurring her way through history since the web series. She gives Winona Ryder and Michael Cera some great material to work with in the retelling of free-thinker Mary Dyer. Setting aside Ryder and Cera’s incredible delivery of Kirkman sloppy drunk words, there are three things that make this story amazing: Ryder starred in The Crucible and is pretty much wearing the same costume; Chris Parnell as King Charles II; and Kirkman crying at the end and then throwing shade at Jim Morrison. 

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  • 3

    Jen Kirkman Gives the First Female President a Drunky Drunk Spin

    Video: YouTube

    Courtney Cox totally sells Kirkman’s Edith Wilson as she keeps everyone in the dark regarding Woodrow’s health. Mrs. Wilson actually made presidential “decisionsisnns.”  

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  • 4

    Dan Harmon’s Lit Tale of Murder, Blow, and the Rise of Griselda Blanco

    Photo: Comedy Central

    Harmon is no stranger to the drink and the king of liver killers did justice to the retelling of the godmother of cocaine, Griselda Blanco, gloriously reenacted by Blanco doppelgänger Maya Rudolph. Her lover and betrayer is played by fellow SNL alum Horatio Sanz. We follow the story of how Blanco became a drug kingpin in Miami after single handedly mowing down her lover and his henchmen. 

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