VOTE What's The Best Excuse To Avoid Sex When You're Just Not DTF?  

Mick Jacobs
1.7k votes 198 voters 6.8k views 53 items Embed

List Rules Vote up the excuses that will ruin the vibe but not your good name.

Sex, like Oreos and Beyonce videos, is a thing people prefer to have all the time, but sometimes the mood ain't there and you need excuses to avoid sex. The best lies for avoiding sex must also reflect the circumstances of your situation and partner. Are you talking to someone you share a promise ring and an HBO Go account with, or the guy from the club who slid into your Uber without asking? All these factors play into which excuses will work when you don't want to have sex.

Peruse the excuses below for some of the best excuses to get out of hooking up and getting that rogue Uber passenger back to his futon. To cover all the bases, included below are religious, dietary, and even aesthetic excuses for escaping sex. If you play it right, these excuses to avoid sex will finish that conversation faster than a man finishes in the bedroom.

list ordered by

1
60 20
"I'm On My Period."

2
42 23
"I Think I Have A Yeast Infection."

3
32 15
"I'm Not In The Mood."

4
30 15
*Cough Cough* "I'm Sick"

5
33 20
"But I Am Le Tired."

6
35 23
"This Bench Is Too Public."

7
30 24
"I Didn't Shower Today."

8
27 21
"I'm Too Full."

9
25 19
"I Have A Partner Already."

10
21 15
"I'm Still Getting Used To My New Birth Control."

11
28 23
"I Ate Taco Bell Today."

12
24 19
"We Might Wake Up The Kids."

13
24 20
"I'm Having An Outbreak Down There."

14
18 14
"I Have To Be Up Early Tomorrow."

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15
23 20
"I Haven't Shaved."

16
19 16
"I'm Drunk."

17
18 15
"I'm Constipated."

18
16 13
"Cold Sore!"

19
14 13
"My Parents Will Hear Us."

20
19 21
"I Worked Too Hard Today."

21
15 19
"My Religion Forbids It."

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22
16 22
*Snores*

23
13 19
"I Have A Headache."

24
12 19
"I'm A Virgin."

25
9 15
"My Roommate Is Home."

26
13 22
"I Just Took A Shower."

27
15 26
"I Masturbated Too Much Today."

28
10 20
"Your Car Isn't Big Enough."

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29
5 13
"I Have An Appointment Soon."

30
9 19
"The Walls Are Thin And My Neighbor Is Judgy."

31
5 14
"Not On The Sabbath."

32
7 17
"Wait, The Latest Game Of Thrones Episode Is On HBO."

33
9 20
"I Just Got Out Of A Big Relationship."

34
11 23
"My Penis Is Broken."

35
12 25
"This Edible Is Too Strong."

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36
7 18
"I Haven't Eaten Yet."

37
7 18
"I Would Rather Wait Till We Go To Yours."

38
10 23
"The Last Time Wore Me Out."

39
10 23
"I'm Going Through A Lot Right Now."

40
8 20
"I Can't Knowing There's A Dog In The Other Room."

41
8 20
"I'm Sleepwalking."

42
4 14
"I Lost My Mojo."

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43
4 14
"I Literally Just Can't Even, You Know...?"

44
7 19
"My Medication Makes Me Loopy."

45
7 19
"I Exercised Too Much Today."

46
7 19
"Let's Wait 'Til I Get My Toys."

47
6 18
"I'm Not Wearing The Proper Crystals."

48
5 17
"I Didn't Work Out Today."

49
6 19
"I Haven't Had My Coffee Yet."

50
3 13
"The Ambiance Is Wrong."