Updated December 18, 2020 3.5k votes 1.7k voters 191.1k views
Spend the holidays with the Griffins, and enjoy the best Family Guy Christmas episodes. Featuring the one where Stewie goes back in time to save Brian in "Christmas Guy" or when Peter goes up against Santa Claus in "How the Griffin Stole Christmas," this list of Family Guy Christmas episodes also includes popular fan favorites, like "Road to the North Pole," "Don't Be a Dickens at Christmas," and "The 2000-Year-Old Virgin." What is your favorite Christmas episode from Family Guy?
Disappointed with the Mall Santa, Stewie and Brian decide to go up to the North Pole to teach Santa a lesson, only to face a shocking revelation.
Memorable Quotes:
Santa Claus: I made toys for little boys and girls. I loved my work, and they oved me, but it just got out of hand. The world's population kept growing and growing. Kids wanted more toys, fancier toys! We used to make wooden chool-choos and rag dolls. You ever try to make an iPod? I've got orders for millions of 'em! Stewie: Oh, that reminds me. I need a new version of Quicken.
Stewie: You can't jerk me around when it comes to Santa Claus, Brian! There is a Ferris wheel here and a guy hosing vomit! Nobody vomits at the North Pole! Except for Santa's wife because she has an eating disorder! Brian: What? Stewie: Yeah, 'cause he can have anyone he wants, and she knows that!
Stewie: Hey, Brian, look. That one reindeer just kind of pooped in the other reindeer's face and the other reindeer just kind of ate it. Isn't Christmas magical?
Holiday mishaps include Lois going ballistic after losing her Christmas cheer and Peter not being able to watch the KISS Christmas special.
Memorable Quotes:
Peter: Merry Christmas to all, and to all, shut the hell up!
Mall Santa: Ho ho ho! And what can I bring you? Stewie: Oh, a peace offering, is it? Very well... What say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium? Mall Santa: Well, can you be a good boy, hmmm? Stewie: Your inquiry intrigues me. Can any of us be a 'good boy?' Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make? Mall Santa: OK, wrap it up, kid. Stewie: All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be... "nice."
Lois: Uh, uh, uh, before you sit down, we're due at Joe and Bonnie's for egg nog. Peter: Lois, can't we tell them that your mother died? Lois: Peter, I'm not going to lie about something like that. Peter: All right, all right, I'll kill your mother. God, when did Christmas become so complicated?
Peter fills in for the mall Santa and becomes drunk with power; Stewie and Brian crash holiday parties for free food, drama and women.
Memorable Quotes:
Stewie: My sled has Dora on it because my parents got it at a yard sale. It... it's still for boys though. She's about language acquisition, not gender.
Chris: Dad, look! Santa's here!
[gestures to a mall Santa] Chris: I wanna sit on his lap. Peter: Jeez, Chris, come on. You're in high school. Chris: I'm gonna ask for a family trampoline. Peter: Holy crap! Get your *ss up there!
Cleveland: You serious all this white stuff used to be water? Mmm, my word.
Peter is visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, who take him on a journey around Quahog.
Memorable Quotes:
Quagmire: Yeah Lois had to sell her clothes to get by. I mean I love having this underwear, I just... I just don't love why I have it.
Lois: You know, Chris. You and your stillborn brother, Tmas were named after Christmas.
Peter: Oh, wow! This is my old house from when I was a little kid. Patrick Swayze: That's right, Peter. I'm taking you all the way back to the year 1970/80/90. Peter: I'll never forget that year. When President Richard Reagan Clinton lied to the American people.
The Griffins decorate their tree while Peter tells the story of Christmas including why Joseph was skeptical and how Cher caused there to be no room at the Inn. When Peter's story concludes, the family turns away a pregnant couple in need of help.
Memorable Quotes:
Peter as Joseph: Now, gather round everybody and hear the awe-inspiring tale that caused millions and millions of deaths.
Peter: Okay, let me just ram the rest of this rhetoric down your throats...
Meg: I can only imagine what it must have been like for them on that very first Christmas. Brian: It was probably very moving... and fictional. Stewie: Jesus live with us for like a week, what else do you need?
When the family fails to help Lois with the Christmas shopping, she walks out on the family and the Griffins must try to save Christmas on their own.
Memorable Quotes:
Lois: Well, dragging a bin full of decorations down the stairs while repeatedly yelling f**k in front of my children means only one thing, it's Christmas time! Peter: Yeah, Lois, I knew it was Christmas a week ago when the O in the Pornhub logo became a wreath. Chris: Same. Peter: [while bumping fists with Chris] Nice.
Stewie: [dressed as Cindy Lou Who] Santa Claus? Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Lois: Why are you in pigtails and a little girl's nightgown? Stewie: Okay, okay. Maybe we both forget what we saw.
