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The Best George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld History

Updated August 8, 2019 1.2k votes 382 voters 45.4k views14 items

To celebrate the most inadequate man in television history, here are the best George Costanza quotes in the history of Seinfeld. Videos of each scene are included when available, so you can watch George Costanza's greatest hits right here on this page. We've also noted what season and episode each quote is from, just in case you want to watch the entire episode. From "shrinkage" to "jerk store," these truly are the best and funniest George Costanza lines of all time.

George, brilliantly played by Jason Alexander, easily had some of the most memorable moments from Seinfeld, so honor him by voting for your absolute favorite lines. Are we missing one of Costanza's greatest quotes? Tweet us and there's a good chance it'll get added to the list.

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  • 1

    The Sea Was Angry That Day My Friends

    The Sea Was Angry That Day My  is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld History
    Video: YouTube

    "So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on...and as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment - I was a Marine Biologist! The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli! I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, 'Easy big fella!"' And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!"

    Season 5, Episode 14- The Marine Biologist 
    131
    36
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  • 2

    It's Not A Lie If You Believe It

    It's Not A Lie If You Beli is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld History
    Video: YouTube

    "Jerry, just remember...It's not a lie if you believe."

    Season 6, Episode 15- The Beard
    99
    24
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  • 3

    It's Not You, It's Me

    It's Not You, It's Me is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld History
    Video: YouTube

    "You're giving me the 'It's not you, it's me' routine? I invented 'It's not you, it's me.' Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me."

    Season 5, Episode 6- The Lip Reader
    68
    8
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  • 4

    George on His Accomplishments

    George on His Accomplishments is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld History
    Video: YouTube

    "You know, If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent."

    Season 8, Episode 21- The Muffin Top
    65
    14
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