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The Best George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld History

To celebrate the most inadequate man in television history, here are the best George Costanza quotes in the history of Seinfeld. Videos of each scene are included when available, so you can watch George Costanza's greatest hits right here on this page. We've also noted what season and episode each quote is from, just in case you want to watch the entire episode. From "shrinkage" to "jerk store," these truly are the best and funniest George Costanza lines of all time.

George, brilliantly played by Jason Alexander, easily had some of the most memorable moments from Seinfeld, so honor him by voting for your absolute favorite lines. Are we missing one of Costanza's greatest quotes? Tweet us and there's a good chance it'll get added to the list.

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  • 1
    137 VOTES

    It's Not A Lie If You Believe It

    Video: YouTube

    "Jerry, just remember...It's not a lie if you believe."

    Season 6, Episode 15- The Beard
    114
    23
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  • 2
    86 VOTES

    It's Not You, It's Me

    Video: YouTube

    "You're giving me the 'It's not you, it's me' routine? I invented 'It's not you, it's me.' Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me."

    Season 5, Episode 6- The Lip Reader
    72
    14
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  • 3
    175 VOTES

    The Sea Was Angry That Day My Friends

    Video: YouTube

    "So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on...and as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment - I was a Marine Biologist! The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli! I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, 'Easy big fella!"' And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!"

    Season 5, Episode 14- The Marine Biologist 
    143
    32
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  • 4
    98 VOTES

    George on Lesbians

    "I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual'"

    Season 3, Episode 13- The Subway
    81
    17
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