43 voters

The Best Abraham "Grampa" Simpson Quotes

Updated July 9, 2019 284 votes 43 voters 2.9k views29 items

Abraham "Grampa" Simpson is one of those characters who is the perfect cartoon depiction of the elderly. He yells, complains endlessly, and often has important life lessons to say just when you think he's no longer useful.

From classic lines describing how he feels about his son Homer, like "They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I have never fully understood why. Frankly, I can see an upside to it" to less meaningful quips like "'I'm Santa!? Oh, now I'll never die," let's take a look at the greatest Abe Simpson quotes in Simpsons history, ranked by your votes. 

Whatever your favorite Grampa quotes are, vote them up on the list below so they will climb closer to the top. You can also vote on the list of the best characters on The Simpsons.

  • 1

    Too Much Pie

    Grampa Simpson: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty." I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles… 

    Martin: Dickety? Highly dubious! 

    Grampa Simpson: What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!


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  • 2

    Fathers Have To Say That

    Homer Simpson: You're cute as a bug's ear. 

    Lisa Simpson: Fathers have to say that stuff! 

    Homer Simpson: Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear? 

    Grampa Simpson: No, you're homely as a mule's butt! 

    Homer Simpson: There, see?


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  • 3

    Medium Brown

    Grampa Simpson: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three: medium brown.


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  • 4

    A Calmative

    Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody! Now, tell Dr. Nick where is the trouble. 

    Grampa Simpson: I'm itchy! I've got ants in my pants! I'm discombobulated! Give me a calmative! 

    Dr. Nick: Slow down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!


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