Comedy

The Best Groundskeeper Willie Quotes From 'The Simpsons'  

Movie and TV Quotes
374 votes 68 voters 2k views 29 items

Groundskeeper Willie is one of the strangest and funniest characters on The Simpsons. He lives in a shack on school grounds, is ridiculously ripped like a professional bodybuilder, and speaks in a thick Scottish accent, which has helped define some amazing quotes on the show.

From classic funny lines showcasing his poor lot in life like "Ah only took this refereein' job 'cause ah was cold and they gave me this shirt" to quotes that indicate just how violent he is like "You strays are going straight to the pound where you'll be put to sleep... by my boring stories. And then you'll be killed," let's take a look at the greatest Groundskeeper Willie quotes in Simpsons history, ranked by your votes. 

Whatever your favorite Groundskeeper Willie quotes are, vote them up on the list below so they will climb closer to the top.

I Know It's On is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Groundskeeper Willie Quotes From 'The Simpsons'
Photo: 20th Television
1
I Know It's On

Groundskeeper Willie: If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the lot of ya, and burn yer town to cinders!
(man whispers into Willie's ear.) I know it's on!

 

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Get Your Haggis is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Groundskeeper Willie Quotes From 'The Simpsons'
Photo: 20th Television
2
Get Your Haggis

Groundskeeper Willie: Get your Haggis right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds!

 

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Scots is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Groundskeeper Willie Quotes From 'The Simpsons'
Photo: 20th Television
3
Scots

Groundskeeper Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots. Or Welshmen and Scots. Or Japanese and Scots. Or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots they ruined Scotland!

Principle: These Scots sure are a contensious people.

Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

 

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The Sinning is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Groundskeeper Willie Quotes From 'The Simpsons'
Photo: 20th Television
4
The Sinning

Groundskeeper Willie: (thinking) No, no. Go easy on the wee one.His father's gonna go crazy and chop them all into haggis.

Bart: What's haggis?

Groundskeeper Willie: Boy! You read my thoughts! You;ve got the shinning!

Bart: Don't you mean shining?

Groundskeeper Willie: Shhh! You want to get sued?

 

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