Entertainment

The Best 'Joe Dirt' Quotes 

Movie and TV Quotes
Updated February 26, 2020 1.2k votes 750 voters 148k views 12 items

List of the best Joe Dirt quotes, including images and videos of dialogue from each scene when available. Released in 2001, Joe Dirt starred David Spade, along with co-stars Brittany Daniels, Kid Rock, and Dennis Miller. Although it wasn't extremely popular when it first came out, Joe Dirt became a cult classic once it was released on DVD. During a quest to find his real parents, Joe encounters many classic characters, including the firework selling Indian Kicking Wing, a carny named Jill who might be his sister, and a mysterious man named Buffalo Bill who traps Joe in a well while asking him to rub lotion on his skin (sound familiar?) With countless one-liners and funny moments, Joe Dirt truly is one of the most underrated comedy movies of all time. Quotes below include the poo scene, the fireworks monologue, and much more.

Click here to watch the full movie.

1
Life's A Garden
Ranker Video
Video: YouTube
Joe Dirt: Life's a garden, dig it.
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2
Snakes & Sparklers
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Video: YouTube
Joe Dirt: So you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats, roman candles, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on, man. You don't got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hüsker düs, hüsker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick...or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem. It's not what you like, it's the consumer.
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3
Why Don't You Talk Into The Microphone?
Why Don't You Talk Into ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best 'Joe Dirt' Quotes
Photo: Columbia Pictures
Joe Dirt: [tapping his arms] You guys got somethin' to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mike right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin' and guess what? They don't like no feedback, what's up? 
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4
You Like To See Homos Naked?
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Video: YouTube

Cajun Man: [Weird Cajun accent] Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: What?
Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?
Cajun Man: No, no, no. Home. It's where you make it.
Joe Dirt: Yeah, you like to see homos naked. That's cool.
Cajun Man: No! Home is where you make it!
Joe Dirt: Oh.
Cajun Man: Everybody knows that. God damn, boy.
Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn't help me.

 

Click here to watch Joe Dirt.

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