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The Best Joe Swanson Quotes From 'Family Guy'

Updated September 17, 2020 352 votes 59 voters 3.8k views27 items

Joe Swanson is one of the funniest characters on Family Guy. Voice by Patrick Warburton, Joe lives with his wife Bonnie and is one of Peters best drinking buddies. His interactions with Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland have given us some amazing quotes on the show.

There are several funny lines from Joe like "Sex is overrated" to quotes that indicate just how compassionate he can be like "Love is a powerful compass," let's take a look at the greatest Joe Swanson quotes in Family Guy history, ranked by your votes. 

Whatever your favorite Joe Swanson quotes are, vote them up on the list below so they will climb closer to the top.

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  • 1

    I Brought Construction Paper

    Joe: I brought construction paper and markers in case you guys wanted to draw breasts.

      41
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    • 2

      Poop Sack

      James Woods: Hey, not so fast pal. Those are my clothes.

      Peter: Oh come on.

      Joe: You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack. What? You don't all wear a poop sack? Damnit Bonnie! You lied to me about the poop sack!

       

        19
        2
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      • 3

        The Clam

        Peter:  To the Clam!

        Quagmire: To the Clam!

        Joe: To the Clam! And to mind-damaging STDs!

        Quagmire: I wake up with blood on my penis-pillow!

        Peter: I'm going to die an old man in a chair, staring out to sea and going slowly insane!

         

          20
          4
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        • 4

          I Lied

          Quagmire: Wait a minute, Bobby Briggs is the one who crippled you? You always told us you fell off a roof during a fight with the Grinch.

          Joe: ...I lied.

           

            16
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