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The Best Leon Black Quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm

If there's one character, other than Larry David, who has the most memorable quotes on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm, it's got to be Leon Black. Larry's foul-mouthed, tell-it-like-it-is buddy definitely makes his presence known. A lot. Check out some of the best Leon Black quotes from 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' and prepare to laugh. Don't see your favorite? Add it to the list!! And for more 'Curb' goodness, check out this list of quotes from the series.

Leon Black first appeared on HBO's 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' during season 6, and he's still around today. Black is played by actor and stand up comedian J.B. Smoove, aka Jerry Brooks.

What are the best Leon Black quotes? This list will answer that hysterical question. 
  • 5

    Danny Duberstein

    Video: YouTube

    Leon: "I went in that room and whited that s**t the f**k up - I had that dude rollin' with me. I ain't even know what the f**k a Groats disease is, but I'm gonna tell you one thing though - that man in that room, that goofy motha' f**kin' man in that room, will survive that s**t! You better believe it."

    This is, without question, one of THE funniest scenes in 'Curb' history. Totally hilarious. Leon, as Danny Duberstein, explains that his hat helped him beat Groats. And everything he ate tasted like...peaches. He truly Danny Dubersteined the f**k out of Michael Richards.
    Should this be higher or lower?
  • 6

    Long Balls

    Video: YouTube

    Larry: "I'm not wearing that underwear."
    Leon: "You gotta do it. You got long balls, Larry. Long balls, you've got long ass balls."
    Larry: "I've got long balls?"
    Leon: "Doctor, you've seen his balls, right?"
    Larry: "Would you say I have unusually long.."
    Doctor: "They're a bit more distended than the average testicles."
    Leon: "You got long ass balls, Larry. 'Long Ball Larry', that's your new name."
    Larry: "Long balls..who the hell knew?"
    Leon: "Long balls, change your draws."

    After an unfortunate accident (that really could only happen to Larry), the doctor recommends that he switch to no-fly underwear. This leads to a discussion of the size of Larry's 'parts,' setting up this hilarious quote from Leon.
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  • 7

    Nancy Big Tits

    Photo: Wikimedia Commons / CC-BY

    Larry: "I got Shawn Yoga, the Yoga instructor. Teresa masseuse."
    Leon: "I do the same thing. Like right here, look look, Nancy big t**s, I know Nancy got big ass t**s. Janelle sweet ass. That's the only way I know who the f**k it is."

    Who saves contacts under headings like "Nancy Big T**s?" Leon Black, that's who. Are you surprised? Exactly. That's just his way.
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  • 8

    LEGO Set

    Video: YouTube

    Larry: "Well you don't have to tap every ass, do you?! Do you have to tap every ass?"
    Leon: "What the f**k are we gonna do right now?"
    Larry: "What do you mean we?!"
    Leon: "Alton is gonna f**k somebody up."
    Larry: "I have nothing to do with this! I'm not tapping anybody. You're tapping! I'm not tapping!
    Leon: You are combined in this s**t now with me, goddammit. We are LEGO. We are like a f**kin' LEGO set right now. We are f**kin' interlocked together. WE f**ked her."
    Larry: "Get away from me! Get out!"
    Leon: "Larry, fix it."
    Larry: "I'm not fixing anything."

    Larry screws up royally, implying to Alton (correctly, mind you) that Leon is screwing his wife. Alton's not happy, obviously. Leon explains, in his typically vulgar Leon way, that Larry is in this with him. Locked in like LEGOs.
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