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The Best Leon Black Quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm

If there's one character, other than Larry David, who has the most memorable quotes on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm, it's got to be Leon Black. Larry's foul-mouthed, tell-it-like-it-is buddy definitely makes his presence known. A lot. Check out some of the best Leon Black quotes from 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' and prepare to laugh. Don't see your favorite? Add it to the list!! And for more 'Curb' goodness, check out this list of quotes from the series.

Leon Black first appeared on HBO's 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' during season 6, and he's still around today. Black is played by actor and stand up comedian J.B. Smoove, aka Jerry Brooks.

What are the best Leon Black quotes? This list will answer that hysterical question. 
  • 1

    Get in that A**

    Video: YouTube

    Leon: "When a man calls you a f**king f*ggot, you get in that ass Larry, you know what i mean? You get in that ass Larry!"
    Larry: "What are you talking about?"
    Leon: "You let a man slide today, you must immediately get inside somebody's ass when that happens to you. You pull the asshole open, step into the asshole, close the door behind you. Then you take a spray can right, spray Larry was here, wash me all that s**t, f**k his whole asshole up. Get a snickers bar, paper, throw that on the floor, f**k his whole asshole up. Then you open up that asshole one more time, step out his ass, then leave that motherf**ker wide open so he know you've been there."

    Does this particular quote really need an explanation? Really? Never has anyone in the history of television been quite so...detailed...about how to get in someone's ass. Classic Leon.
    Should this be higher or lower?
  • 2

    Bring the Ruckus

    Video: YouTube

    Larry: "What do you mean 'what kind of cum?' Cum's cum."
    Leon: "Cum is not cum."
    Larry: "Cum's cum."
    Leon: "It couldn't have been mine, you know why? Cuz I gets mine, Larry. I brings the ruckus to the ladies."
    Larry: "Okay, so you're denying this, is that it?"
    Leon: "First of all, look around this place, man. Is there any visuals here to jack off to? All we have is basic cable right? What am I gonna do, jack off to Andy Griffith?"

    This classic (awkward) exchange also includes the classic Leon quote "E-jac-a-lit." Yes, this scene is chock full of Leon-isms.
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  • 3

    Mopey Dick

    Photo: flickr / CC0

    Leon: "He’s up there moping man, mopey dick. That’s what he is."
    Jeff: "Moby Dick."
    Leon: "Nah, Mopey dick."
    Jeff: "No, it’s called Moby Dick."
    Leon: "Who the f**k a Moby Dick?"
    Jeff: "Moby Dick’s the book, by Melville. Where do you get Mopey Dick from?!"
    Leon: "Mopey dick man, his dick is mopey."

    Leon clearly knows his classic literature.
    Should this be higher or lower?
  • 4

    F**k Larry Up

    Video: YouTube

    Leon: "...I f**k Larry up, and keep on rolling."
    Larry: "What?"
    Leon: "Somebody gotta get f**ked up Larry, right?"
    Larry: "You don't need to... What are you saying, f**k me up?"
    Leon: "You tackle me, I ain't gonna look like a f**kin' bitch and s**t and let you f**k me up."
    Larry: "No! I tackle you and you run away. You run away..."
    Leon: "The more f**ked up you are, more of a hero your gonna look like, man. I'ma break your f**king teeth, your glasses or something."

    Classic 'Curb' comedy here, as the guys discuss holding a fake mugging so Larry will look better in the eyes of Cheryl's therapist. Leon, however, doesn't seem to completely understand the 'fake' concept...
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