The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings

Ranker Film
Updated September 3, 2019 20.3K votes 3.5K voters 121.2K views
Voting Rules
Vote up the sassiest lines and best burns from the entire The Lord of the Rings franchise.

When Peter Jackson adapted J.R.R. Tolkein's classic novels into The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit franchises, he took the wit and wisdom of the author and created some fantastic dialogue. Among that dialogue are some incredibly clever insults and funny one-liners bantered about by some great characters including Gandalf, Samwise, and others. 

You may not realize just how many times one character insulted another in The Lord of the Rings films, but it happened often. Granted, there are a few from the books that didn't make it to the movies, but there's a few of those included in here anyway, seeing as they are pure gold. Whether you are a fan of the films or the books, you will likely snicker with glee as you read some of these amazing insults from The Lord of the Rings.

See some of your favorite quotes? Vote up the ones you think are best, and vote down any you don't find funny or clever.

Photo: The Lord of the Rings/New Line Cinema
Ranked by
  • I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.
    1

    I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
    1,732 votes
  • Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!
    2

    Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
    1,588 votes
  • I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
    3

    I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

    Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
    1,949 votes
  • Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.
    4

    Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.

    Meriadoc 'Merry' Brandybuck, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
    1,455 votes
  • Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.
    5

    Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
    1,143 votes
  • Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.
    6

    Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
    1,161 votes