Total Nerd The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings  

Ranker Film
1.3k votes 179 voters 2.7k views 20 items

List Rules Vote up the sassiest lines and best burns from the entire The Lord of the Rings franchise.

When Peter Jackson adapted J.R.R. Tolkein's classic novels into The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit franchises, he took the wit and wisdom of the author and created some fantastic dialogue. Among that dialogue are some incredibly clever insults and funny one-liners bantered about by some great characters.

You may not realize just how many times one character insulted another in The Lord of the Rings films, but it happened often. Granted, there are a few from the books that didn't make it to the movies, but there's a few of those included in here anyway, seeing as they are pure gold. Whether you are a fan of the films or the books, you will likely snicker with glee as you read some of these amazing insults from The Lord of the Rings.

See some of your favorite quotes? Vote up the ones you think are best, and vote down any you don't find funny or clever.

1
96 16
I don't know half of you h... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

2
77 16
Fool of a Took! Throw yourself... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity! Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

3
74 17
I would cut off your head, Dwa... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground. Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

4
67 16
Anyways, you need people of in... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip. Meriadoc 'Merry' Brandybuck, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

5
59 16
Knock your head against these ... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words. Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

6
57 23
Forty-two?! That's not bad... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling. Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

7
54 25
Nobody tosses a dwarf! is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Nobody tosses a dwarf! Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

8
53 25
Stupid, fat hobbit. is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Stupid, fat hobbit. Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

9
42 18
You look terrible. is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
You look terrible. Legolas, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

10
49 26
Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, ma... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew... Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

11
40 21
What office of less honour wou... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
What office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains—if any man would trust you with it? Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)

12
36 18
Dotard! What is the house of E... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the dogs? Saruman, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)

13
36 20
Never thought I'd die fighting... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf. Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

14
31 16
I will be dead before I see th... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
I will be dead before I see the Ring, in the hands of an Elf! Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

15
34 19
Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicke... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false! Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

16
28 17
Let him rot! is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Let him rot! Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

17
32 21
Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Éowyn, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Book)

18
25 22
Get thee gone from my gate, th... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Get thee gone from my gate, though jail-crow of Mandos! Fëanor, The Silmarillion (Book)

19
25 23
You fool. No man can kill me. ... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
You fool. No man can kill me. Die now. Witch King, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

20
23 21
Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings
Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead. Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers