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The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings

Updated September 3, 2019 20.8k votes 2.7k voters 91.8k views20 items

List RulesVote up the sassiest lines and best burns from the entire The Lord of the Rings franchise.

When Peter Jackson adapted J.R.R. Tolkein's classic novels into The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit franchises, he took the wit and wisdom of the author and created some fantastic dialogue. Among that dialogue are some incredibly clever insults and funny one-liners bantered about by some great characters including Gandalf, Samwise, and others. 

You may not realize just how many times one character insulted another in The Lord of the Rings films, but it happened often. Granted, there are a few from the books that didn't make it to the movies, but there's a few of those included in here anyway, seeing as they are pure gold. Whether you are a fan of the films or the books, you will likely snicker with glee as you read some of these amazing insults from The Lord of the Rings.

See some of your favorite quotes? Vote up the ones you think are best, and vote down any you don't find funny or clever.

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  • 1
    1,740
    162

    I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 2
    1,578
    191

    Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 3
    1,766
    263

    I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

    Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 4
    1,298
    228

    Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.

    Meriadoc 'Merry' Brandybuck, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 5
    991
    165

    Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 6
    936
    205

    Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 7
    788
    304

    Nobody tosses a dwarf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 8
    860
    344

    Stupid, fat hobbit.

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 9
    716
    279

    You look terrible.

    Legolas, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 10
    646
    250

    Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the dogs?

    Saruman, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • 11
    838
    344

    Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew...

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 12
    493
    194

    What office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains—if any man would trust you with it?

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • 13
    600
    253

    Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 14
    479
    214

    I will be dead before I see the Ring, in the hands of an Elf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 15
    489
    229

    Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 16
    423
    194

    Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead.

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 17
    440
    206

    Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!

    Éowyn, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Book)
  • 18
    350
    188

    Let him rot!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 19
    379
    246

    You fool. No man can kill me. Die now.

    Witch King, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 20
    317
    214

    Get thee gone from my gate, though jail-crow of Mandos!

    Fëanor, The Silmarillion (Book)