Total Nerd
2.2k voters

The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings

Updated September 3, 2019 17.3k votes 2.2k voters 75.9k views20 items

List RulesVote up the sassiest lines and best burns from the entire The Lord of the Rings franchise.

When Peter Jackson adapted J.R.R. Tolkein's classic novels into The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit franchises, he took the wit and wisdom of the author and created some fantastic dialogue. Among that dialogue are some incredibly clever insults and funny one-liners bantered about by some great characters including Gandalf, Samwise, and others. 

You may not realize just how many times one character insulted another in The Lord of the Rings films, but it happened often. Granted, there are a few from the books that didn't make it to the movies, but there's a few of those included in here anyway, seeing as they are pure gold. Whether you are a fan of the films or the books, you will likely snicker with glee as you read some of these amazing insults from The Lord of the Rings.

See some of your favorite quotes? Vote up the ones you think are best, and vote down any you don't find funny or clever.

Photo:
  • 1
    I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.
    1,405
    133

    I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 2
    Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!
    1,283
    159

    Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 3
    I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
    1,447
    229

    I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

    Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 4
    Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.
    838
    126

    Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 5
    Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.
    1,084
    195

    Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.

    Meriadoc 'Merry' Brandybuck, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 6
    Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.
    769
    174

    Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 7
    Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the dogs?
    556
    207

    Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the dogs?

    Saruman, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • 8
    Stupid, fat hobbit.
    719
    287

    Stupid, fat hobbit.

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 9
    Nobody tosses a dwarf!
    666
    262

    Nobody tosses a dwarf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 10
    You look terrible.
    588
    230

    You look terrible.

    Legolas, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 11
    Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew...
    695
    291

    Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew...

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 12
    Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
    506
    203

    Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 13
    What office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains—if any man would trust you with it?
    406
    163

    What office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains—if any man would trust you with it?

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • 14
    I will be dead before I see the Ring, in the hands of an Elf!
    405
    169

    I will be dead before I see the Ring, in the hands of an Elf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 15
    Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
    414
    189

    Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 16
    Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead.
    353
    158

    Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead.

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 17
    Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!
    366
    179

    Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!

    Éowyn, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Book)
  • 18
    Let him rot!
    285
    163

    Let him rot!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 19
    Get thee gone from my gate, though jail-crow of Mandos!
    270
    180

    Get thee gone from my gate, though jail-crow of Mandos!

    Fëanor, The Silmarillion (Book)
  • 20
    You fool. No man can kill me. Die now.
    307
    211

    You fool. No man can kill me. Die now.

    Witch King, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King