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The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings

Updated September 3, 2019 19.1k votes 2.4k voters 82.9k views20 items

List RulesVote up the sassiest lines and best burns from the entire The Lord of the Rings franchise.

When Peter Jackson adapted J.R.R. Tolkein's classic novels into The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit franchises, he took the wit and wisdom of the author and created some fantastic dialogue. Among that dialogue are some incredibly clever insults and funny one-liners bantered about by some great characters including Gandalf, Samwise, and others. 

You may not realize just how many times one character insulted another in The Lord of the Rings films, but it happened often. Granted, there are a few from the books that didn't make it to the movies, but there's a few of those included in here anyway, seeing as they are pure gold. Whether you are a fan of the films or the books, you will likely snicker with glee as you read some of these amazing insults from The Lord of the Rings.

See some of your favorite quotes? Vote up the ones you think are best, and vote down any you don't find funny or clever.

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  • I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.1
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    I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!2
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    Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.3
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    I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

    Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.4
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    Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.

    Meriadoc 'Merry' Brandybuck, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.5
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    Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.6
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    Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • Stupid, fat hobbit.7
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    Stupid, fat hobbit.

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • Nobody tosses a dwarf!8
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    Nobody tosses a dwarf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the dogs?9
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    Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the dogs?

    Saruman, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • You look terrible.10
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    You look terrible.

    Legolas, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew...11
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    Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew...

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.12
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    Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • What office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains—if any man would trust you with it?13
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    What office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains—if any man would trust you with it?

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • I will be dead before I see the Ring, in the hands of an Elf!14
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    I will be dead before I see the Ring, in the hands of an Elf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!15
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    Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead.16
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    Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead.

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!17
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    Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!

    Éowyn, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Book)
  • Let him rot!18
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    Let him rot!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • You fool. No man can kill me. Die now.19
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    You fool. No man can kill me. Die now.

    Witch King, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • Get thee gone from my gate, though jail-crow of Mandos!20
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    Get thee gone from my gate, though jail-crow of Mandos!

    Fëanor, The Silmarillion (Book)