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The Best Moe Szyslak Quotes of All Time

Updated October 26, 2018 824 votes 142 voters 8k views26 items

Springfield's resident bartender is a fan favorite in The Simpsons, and the best Moe Syzslak quotes show you why that is. From lines like "Even the Koreans wouldn't touch this dog" to "Man, soccer's even boring for the ball," let's take a look at the funniest Moe Syzslak quotes that always stayed with you over the years.

Many of the best Moe Syzslak quotes come from his insecurities and low self-esteem. In Season Eleven's "Pygmoelian," Moe is called "ugly ugly" for the first time in his life, prompting him to deliver this gem: "I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly." Another great line from Moe Syzslak is, "Think of it as a wake-up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Shouldn't have used helium."

What is Moe's funniest quote in The Simpsons? You decide that by voting up your favorite Moe Syzslak quotes on the list below!

  • Photo: Fox

    Kid Gorgeous

    Homer: You used to be a boxer just like me? 
    Moe: Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.

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    • Photo: Fox

      Seymour Butts

      Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
      Bart: Is Seymour there? Last name Butts.
      Moe: Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butts here? A Seymour Butts? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butts! Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!

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      • Photo: Fox

        That's Perfect

        Moe: You're gonna need to come up with a slogan that people are gonna remember you by.
        Homer: Awwh, can't someone else do it?
        Moe: "Can't someone else do it?" That's perfect.
        Homer: Really?

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        • Photo: user uploaded image

          I've Been Called Ugly

          Moe: "I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly."

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