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The Best Moe Szyslak Quotes of All Time

Updated October 26, 2018 824 votes 142 voters 8k views26 items

Springfield's resident bartender is a fan favorite in The Simpsons, and the best Moe Syzslak quotes show you why that is. From lines like "Even the Koreans wouldn't touch this dog" to "Man, soccer's even boring for the ball," let's take a look at the funniest Moe Syzslak quotes that always stayed with you over the years.

Many of the best Moe Syzslak quotes come from his insecurities and low self-esteem. In Season Eleven's "Pygmoelian," Moe is called "ugly ugly" for the first time in his life, prompting him to deliver this gem: "I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly." Another great line from Moe Syzslak is, "Think of it as a wake-up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Shouldn't have used helium."

What is Moe's funniest quote in The Simpsons? You decide that by voting up your favorite Moe Syzslak quotes on the list below!

  • Photo: Fox

    Pick Your Poison

    Gaga: Never forget, you're all my little monsters. 
    Moe: Actually, I'm half monster, half Armenian. Pick your poison.

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    • Photo: Fox

      This Dog

      Moe: Even the Koreans wouldn't touch this dog.

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      • Photo: Fox

        Underwear Drawer

        Moe: That's a terrific title. It jumps out at you like a rat out of your underwear drawer.

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        • Photo: Fox

          A Rough Christmas

          Moe: Sounds like you're having a rough Christmas. You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.
          Homer: [drunk] Yeah, you're right, Moe… you're always Moe.

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