The Best Mr. Burns Quotes of All Time

We all know Mr. Burns is the wealthiest man in Springfield, but he's also rich in amazing quotes that have stayed with us for all these years. Let's take a look at the best Mr. Burns quotes of all time, from his classic "Excellent" to funnier lines like "Homer, your bravery and quick thinking have turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three-Mile Island. Bravo!" These quotes from Monty Burns are ranked by your votes, so don't forget to give these lines your upvotes if they are favorites of yours.

Some of the funniest Mr. Burns quotes have to do with money and his status as a billionaire, as he's never ashamed to let others know he is better than him: "The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire. Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man?" Another great moment in a Mr. Burns episode was when he bossed around baseball legend Don Mattingly (and several other MLB players): "Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns! Go home! You're off the team for good!"

Vote up the funniest quotes from Mr. Burns that always make you laugh, even if he is an evil billionaire who tried to block out the sun.


  • Three Demons
    Photo: Fox
    221 VOTES

    Three Demons

    Mr. Burns: Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in busniess.

  • Slack-Jawed Troglodytes
    Photo: Fox
    117 VOTES

    Slack-Jawed Troglodytes

    Mr. Burns: Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you!

  • Picnic Is Cancelled
    Photo: Fox
    117 VOTES

    Picnic Is Cancelled

    Mr. Burns: Now, a few more details about this year's company picnic. It's at the plant, no food will be served, the activity will be work and the picnic is cancelled.

  • Donate A Million
    Photo: Fox
    94 VOTES

    Donate A Million

    Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage. When pigs fly. [they laugh and a pig flies by the window, they look at one another]
    Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
    Mr. Burns: No, I'd still prefer not.

  • Way Richer
    Photo: Fox
    119 VOTES

    Way Richer

    Homer: You know, Mr. Burns, you're the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny. 
    Mr. Burns: Oh, yes. But I'd trade it all for a little more.

  • I'm Hungry Now
    Photo: Fox
    95 VOTES

    I'm Hungry Now

    Mr. Burns: Ah! A candy shop. Yes. I'll take two pounds of Bristol's toffee. Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly. I'm hungry now. [the vending machine doesn't do anything] You've made a powerful enemy today, my friend.