The Best Mr. Burns Quotes of All Time 

Movie and TV Quotes
395 votes 107 voters 7.1k views 25 items

We all know Mr. Burns is the wealthiest man in Springfield, but he's also rich in amazing quotes that have stayed with us for all these years. Let's take a look at the best Mr. Burns quotes of all time, from his classic "Excellent" to funnier lines like "Homer, your bravery and quick thinking have turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three-Mile Island. Bravo!" These quotes from Monty Burns are ranked by your votes, so don't forget to give these lines your upvotes if they are favorites of yours.

Some of the funniest Mr. Burns quotes have to do with money and his status as a billionaire, as he's never ashamed to let others know he is better than him: "The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire. Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man?" Another great moment in a Mr. Burns episode was when he bossed around baseball legend Don Mattingly (and several other MLB players): "Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns! Go home! You're off the team for good!"

Vote up the funniest quotes from Mr. Burns that always make you laugh, even if he is an evil billionaire who tried to block out the sun.


Three Demons is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Mr. Burns Quotes of All Time
Photo: Fox
Three Demons

Mr. Burns: Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in busniess.

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Greatest Novel Known To ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Mr. Burns Quotes of All Time
Photo: Fox
Greatest Novel Known To Man

Mr. Burns: This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon they'll have written the greatest novel known to man. Let's see. It was the best of times, it was the *blurst* of times! You stupid monkey!

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Dead For 130 Years is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Mr. Burns Quotes of All Time
Photo: Fox
Dead For 130 Years

Mr. Burns: No, Smithers, I've decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers. We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown... 
Smithers: Sir? 
Mr. Burns: What is it, Smithers? 
Smithers: I'm afraid all those players have retired and... passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.

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Eat Their Bones is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Mr. Burns Quotes of All Time
Photo: Fox
Eat Their Bones

Smithers: Research shows people see you as something of an ogre.
Mr. Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones.

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