Watchworthy
135 voters

The Best Mr. Garrison Quotes From 'South Park'

March 5, 2020 1.4k votes 135 voters 2.8k views25 items

It's time to decide which of these is the best Mr. Garrison quote of all time. Until he became the president of the United States, Mr. Garrison was the boys' fourth-grade teacher. Along with Mr. Hat, Garrison would impart important teachings about television shows and relationships. There have been plenty of funny Mr. Garrison quotes over the years, and now, you get to decide which one has earned an A+. 

The best Mr. Garrison quotes of all time have been collected here. Even if you believe with every fiber in your being a certain quote could never make it to the top, you should never underestimate the power of voting. Vote up the Mr. Garrison quotes you think are hilarious.

...more
  • 1

    They Can't Say F*g

    They Can't Say F*g
    Photo: ViacomCBS

    Mr. Garrison: Well, they can't use f*g. Because you can't say f*g unless you're a homosexual.

    82
    5
    Love this quote?
  • 2

    And, So, Children

    And, So, Children
    Photo: ViacomCBS

    Mr. Garrison: And, so, children, that's how you tell a prostitute from a police officer. 

    82
    10
    Love this quote?
  • 3

    I Do Not Have Sex With Boys

    I Do Not Have Sex With Boys
    Photo: ViacomCBS

    Mr. Garrison: I do not have sex with boys. I like men my own age. Ah! I mean I like women. Ah! What did I just say? I like t*tties!

    85
    12
    Love this quote?
  • 4

    I Wanna Clear the Air Here

    I Wanna Clear the Air Here
    Photo: ViacomCBS

    Mr. Garrison: Now, wait a minute. I wanna clear the air here. We all know that pigeon was a wh*re. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon?

    80
    11
    Love this quote?