thought provoking The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought  

Mark Holmes
161.8k votes 12.1k voters 2.4M views 99 items

The subreddit /r/Showerthoughts is full of brilliant, concise insights thought up in that great, steamy thinktank: the shower. We (most of us) bathe in quiet solitude, with neither friends nor social media to entertain us lest we get our devices wet and ruin them. Amidst all that lathering and rinsing, the mind wanders, and for the duration of each shower, anything is possible.

 What do you think about during your most vulnerable moments? Space travel? The strange ways we use language? How cats have whisker-eyebrows and nobody really talks about it? This list collects the best of the Shower Thoughts subreddit – with credit to their original thinkers – for you to enjoy, ponder, and rank. Vote up the ones that make you be like, "Yeah. Yep." 
list ordered by

1
3,558 667
Saying "um" is the hum... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Saying "um" is the human equivalent to buffering. /u/AnxietyAttack2013

2
2,900 580
I wonder how many times I've w... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
I wonder how many times I've walked past or come into contact with a murderer. /u/KnibbHighFB

3
2,533 497
If the oldest person on earth ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If the oldest person on earth is 116 years old, then 117 years ago, there was a completely different set of human beings on earth. /u/LordofSloths

4
2,050 384
Everyone actually has 3 voices... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Everyone actually has 3 voices, the one in your head, the one you hear when you talk and the one that everyone else hears instead. /u/stillegal

5
2,267 437
When you're a kid, dick jo... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
When you're a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you're an adult, they're considered immature. /u/kraken_calamari

6
2,966 603
If mary had baby jesus, and je... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If mary had baby jesus, and jesus is the lamb of god.... Then mary really did have a little lamb. /u/Indian_of_legend

7
2,274 440
Fish who are caught and releas... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens. /u/brandonberry

8
1,790 328
Let's take a moment to appreci... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Let's take a moment to appreciate that mother nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges. /u/Steel_Ninja

9
2,942 612
A group of squid should be cal... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
A group of squid should be called a squad. Thediepend

10
2,622 535
History classes are only going... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
History classes are only going to get longer and harder as time goes on. /u/RealDirtyDan

11
2,333 469
Most of my clothes have been t... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Most of my clothes have been to countries that I have not. /u/zerophaze

12
1,834 348
Cars should have two horns: on... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Cars should have two horns: one is a "nice" one, the other is a "mean" one. /u/DDYLK

The Silliest Things You Thought Were True as a Kid

13
2,754 573
We rescue homeless animals and... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
We rescue homeless animals and shun homeless people. /u/NewMaterialOnly

14
2,649 552
I have no idea what I've forgo... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
I have no idea what I've forgotten. /u/philly_jay

15
1,799 343
Technically, it's impossib... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Technically, it's impossible to skip breakfast. The first time you eat during a day is when you "break your fast." /u/scadrafein

16
2,294 472
Getting birthday money is the ... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Getting birthday money is the real life equivalent of passing 'go' and collecting $200. /u/Angry_Spacepimp

17
3,712 827
If Bruce Willis dies from Viag... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If Bruce Willis dies from Viagra overdose, the headline will read "Bruce Willis Dies Hard." /u/dr721

The Best Howard Stern News Pranks Performed by Captain Janks

18
2,741 589
I bet attractive people think ... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is. /u/shicky536

19
2,020 417
Aliens invaded the Moon on Jul... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Aliens invaded the Moon on July 20th, 1969. /u/pollenatedweasel

20
2,215 467
The reason "cheaters never... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
The reason "cheaters never win" is because the cheaters that did win didn't get caught. /u/RocketHopper

21
1,457 275
Most people can eat the same b... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Most people can eat the same breakfast weeks in a row, without complaint. But the same dinner for weeks? Now, that's just insanity. /u/roessera

22
2,131 458
Why do people say "tuna fi... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Why do people say "tuna fish" when they don't say "beef mammal" or "chicken bird"? /u/KaptainH

God is an Epic Troll: The Best of the Advice God Meme

23
1,755 363
"my entire life has led up... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
"my entire life has led up to this moment" is always true. /u/NoIntroductionNeeded

24
1,656 337
We say "hair" when ref... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
We say "hair" when referring to lots of it but we say "hairs" when referring to a few. /u/VoteBumblebee

25
1,360 260
"Arms" is another word... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
"Arms" is another word for guns, and "guns" is another word for arms. /u/lemonsmcbob

26
1,803 377
If I'm lucky, my internal orga... is listed (or ranked) 26 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If I'm lucky, my internal organs will never see the light of day. /u/Strant

27
2,736 626
"Strap-on" spelled bac... is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
"Strap-on" spelled backwards is "no parts." /u/Illuminaughty66

Famous People You Didn't Know Were Married to Each Other

28
1,877 399
They should mark the last tiss... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
They should mark the last tissues in a box with red lines like they do with receipt paper. /u/sharkis

29
1,593 327
The witches from "Sabrina&... is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
The witches from "Sabrina" naming their cat Salem is like a Jewish family naming a cat Auschwitz /u/OldMikeyboy

30
1,886 420
I will be the last person to d... is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
I will be the last person to die in my lifetime. /u/myfajahas400children

31
1,593 344
The person who would proof rea... is listed (or ranked) 31 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
The person who would proof read Hitler's speeches was a grammar Nazi. /u/PhantomDukie

32
1,413 303
Asking someone "where are ... is listed (or ranked) 32 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Asking someone "where are you" is a recent thing. Before we had mobile phones, the only way we could talk to people is if we knew where they were. /u/saint1997

30 Incredibly Awkward Pregnancy Announcements

33
1,358 292
"Squawks" said backwar... is listed (or ranked) 33 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
"Squawks" said backwards still sounds the same even though it's not a palindrome

34
1,222 255
If I were a serial killer I wo... is listed (or ranked) 34 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If I were a serial killer I would call myself "the suspense" so that the suspense would literally be killing people. /u/AhrmiintheUnseen

35
1,495 337
Nothing is on fire, fire is on... is listed (or ranked) 35 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Nothing is on fire, fire is on things. /u/GuitarPerson159

36
1,265 272
When you "bite down" o... is listed (or ranked) 36 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
When you "bite down" on something, you're actually "biting up" because you can't move your top jaw. /u/okspeck

37
1,532 351
I wonder if I am closer to my ... is listed (or ranked) 37 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
I wonder if I am closer to my death or my birth right now. /u/ohnowhyme

The Worst Traits for an Employee

38
1,490 339
In order to fall asleep, you h... is listed (or ranked) 38 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
In order to fall asleep, you have to pretend to be asleep. /u/conesarecool

39
1,464 342
If Katniss and Peeta from Hung... is listed (or ranked) 39 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If Katniss and Peeta from Hunger Games were hollywood celebrities, their supercouple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss. /u/beinagrind_i_skapnum

40
1,349 309
If people on a planet 65 milli... is listed (or ranked) 40 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If people on a planet 65 million light years away look at earth, they see dinosaurs. /u/Rowhardorrowhome

41
1,065 233
Spacesuits are literally made ... is listed (or ranked) 41 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Spacesuits are literally made to protect astronauts from nothing /u/cyberk25

42
1,190 272
If you did something like a bo... is listed (or ranked) 42 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If you did something like a boss, you'd probably just pay someone else to do it. /u/mcgeeb

35 Awesome Pictures That Will Make You Want Kim Kardashian

43
1,475 360
Mothers only get a day but sha... is listed (or ranked) 43 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Mothers only get a day but sharks get a whole week. /u/jmoney73

44
1,548 392
If there's a "heavens ... is listed (or ranked) 44 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If there's a "heavens no" and a "hell yea," why isn't there a "purgatory perhaps"? /u/AlyxVeldin

45
1,177 278
In the last 20 years, I won ov... is listed (or ranked) 45 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
In the last 20 years, I won over $7,300 by not buying a lottery ticket every day. /u/Nukemarine

46
1,548 403
Google earth is good for findi... is listed (or ranked) 46 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Google earth is good for finding out which of your neighbors has a pool. /u/wtb2612

47
1,167 289
Once you have a phd, every mee... is listed (or ranked) 47 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
Once you have a phd, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor's appointment. /u/Sland

48
833 186
You're too big to ride the dog... is listed (or ranked) 48 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
You're too big to ride the dog by the time you're smart enough to think to ride the dog. /u/puppieseverywhere

49
849 194
The two worst sentences you ca... is listed (or ranked) 49 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
The two worst sentences you can get are life and death. /u/sarahkuch

50
1,192 310
If Homer Simpson were a democr... is listed (or ranked) 50 on the list The Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought
If Homer Simpson were a democratic congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he'd be Homer Simpson (D-OH). /u/Nulono