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The Best Roger Smith Quotes From 'American Dad!'

The best Roger Smith quotes really show why he is one of the most popular characters in American Dad. In the early seasons of the show, Roger didn't even have any of his signature disguises or personas. The alien crashed into Roswell, New Mexico in the '60s and had a fateful encounter with Stan, the head of the Smith household and CIA agent.

Roger's known to be the classic agent of chaos, and as his personas developed along with the show. While Roger himself is always hilarious, his characters, like therapist Dr. Penguin or wedding planner extraordinaire Jeannie Gold, have the best quotes. The fey, pansexual, alcoholic alien is constantly getting into trouble, and the results are always comedic gold. 

Every Roger Smith quote is a gut busting one, and there are quite a few. Vote up your favorite Roger Smith quotes below.

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  • 1
    169 VOTES

    Ecstasy

    Roger: Are you crazy, pushing me in the pool? I had forty hits of ecstasy in my pocket. Buckle up, kids. Yeah, they're gonna need to go to the hospital.

    154
    15
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  • 2
    97 VOTES

    Breakfast Order

    Roger: Two eggs one over easy, one over medium; three sausage links, a cup of cottage cheese with a drizzle of honey, a fruit cup, unless it’s mostly honeydew, in which case skip it and make it half a grapefruit. A glass of whole milk over ice, and a side of toast barely browned, closer to bread than toast, I’m not joking, with as many local jams as you have in stock. Oh, and a Bloody Mary.

    89
    8
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  • 3
    149 VOTES

    Origin Story

    Roger: Two years ago, my wife was killed by a plastic surgeon in Ecuador. I found him on Yelp. I gave him two stars. Her breasts looked amazing during the open casket.

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    15
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  • 4
    60 VOTES

    Taxi Driver

    Roger: Long Island iced teas, right? They're so sweet, but the boys keep buying 'em for me. If my fiancé knew, he'd kill all of 'em. He's Dominican, he's crazy. The sex is good. He calls me his little Chihuahua. When I was a kid, my dad beat the sh*t out of me.

    55
    5
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