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The Best Things Sheldon Cooper Ever Said

Updated September 5, 2019 3.8k views26 items

What are the funniest Sheldon Cooper quotes that crack you up just from thinking about them? Sheldon is one of those characters who often has something funny to say, which is why he's probably the most popular character from The Big Bang Theory.

Whether he was explaining the ridiculously complicated rules of something like "Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors" or finally deciding to sleep with his girlfriend with "Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals," let's take a look at the greatest Sheldon Cooper quotes in The Big Bang Theory history, ranked by your votes. 

Whatever your favorite funny Sheldon Cooper quotes are, vote them up on the list below so they will climb closer to the top.

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  • 1

    Didn't Have Any Friends

    Sheldon: May I say something?
    Leonard: Not right now, Sheldon.
    Sheldon: But I think it may be comforting.
    Leonard: Buddy-
    Howard: No, it's okay. What?
    Sheldon: When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.

     

  • 2

    Scissors Cuts Paper

    Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

     

  • 3

    No Reason To Cry

    Sheldon: Why are you crying? 
    Penny: Because I'm stupid. 
    Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

  • 4

    My Genitals

    Sheldon: Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals.

     

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