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The Best Things Sheldon Cooper Ever Said

Updated September 5, 2019 5.4k views26 items

What are the funniest Sheldon Cooper quotes that crack you up just from thinking about them? Sheldon is one of those characters who often has something funny to say, which is why he's probably the most popular character from The Big Bang Theory.

Whether he was explaining the ridiculously complicated rules of something like "Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors" or finally deciding to sleep with his girlfriend with "Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals," let's take a look at the greatest Sheldon Cooper quotes in The Big Bang Theory history, ranked by your votes. 

Whatever your favorite funny Sheldon Cooper quotes are, vote them up on the list below so they will climb closer to the top.

  • 5

    Unusual Pathogens

    Howard: Sheldon, don't take this the wrong way, but, you're insane. 
    Leonard: That may well be, but the fact is it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people. 
    Sheldon: For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens. And I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.


  • 6


    Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
    Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

  • 7

    Suffer In Silence

    Leonard: I did a bad thing.
    Sheldon: Does it affect me?
    Leonard: No.
    Sheldon: Then suffer in silence.


  • 8

    Must Be Humbling

    Sheldon: Checkmate. 
    Leonard: Oh, again? 
    Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
    Leonard: Just reset the board!
    Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.