Entertainment

Feel The Schwartz With The Funniest 'Spaceballs' Quotes 

Movie and TV Quotes
Updated December 27, 2019 100 votes 14 voters 25 items

Strap on your helmet and enjoy the most hilarious quotes from Spaceballs. Directed by Mel Brooks, the 1987 Star Wars parody movie is packed with funny lines, memorable one-liners, and quotable dialogue. What is your favorite quote from Spaceballs

Vote up the best Spaceballs quotes, and may the Schwartz be with you.

Happening Now is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Feel The Schwartz With The Funniest 'Spaceballs' Quotes
Photo: MGM
1
Happening Now

Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?

Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.

Dark Helmet: What happened to then?

Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.

Dark Helmet: When?

Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now now.

Dark Helmet: Go back to then.

Colonel Sandurz: When?

Dark Helmet: Now.

Colonel Sandurz: Now?

Dark Helmet: Now.

Colonel Sandurz: I can't.

Dark Helmet: Why?

Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.

Dark Helmet: When?

Colonel Sandurz: Just now.

Dark Helmet: When will then be now?

Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

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Your Schwartz is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Feel The Schwartz With The Funniest 'Spaceballs' Quotes
Photo: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
2
Your Schwartz

Dark Helmet: You have the ring. And I see that your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you handle it.

 

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What Have I Done?! is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Feel The Schwartz With The Funniest 'Spaceballs' Quotes
Photo: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
3
What Have I Done?!

Dark Helmet: No-no-no, light speed is too slow!

Colonel Sandurz: Light speed too slow?

Dark Helmet: Yes, we're gonna have to go right to... Ludicrous speed!

Colonel Sandurz: Ludicrous speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before! I don't know if the ship can take it!

Dark Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?

Colonel Sandurz: (cracking) Prepare the ship... Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three-ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo--

Dark Helmet: Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer! Now hear this! Ludicrous speed!

Colonel Sandurz: Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?

Dark Helmet: Ah, buckle this. Ludicrous speed! GO!

(they hit Ludicrous speed and start seeing plaid) 

Dark Helmet: What have I done?! My brains are going into my feet!

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Knew I Was Surrounded is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Feel The Schwartz With The Funniest 'Spaceballs' Quotes
Photo: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
4
Knew I Was Surrounded

Dark Helmet: Fire a warning shot across her nose.

(warning shots just miss Vespa's ship)

Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!

Gunner: (reveals he is cross eyed) Sorry, sir! I'm doing my best!

Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?

Major *sshole: I did, sir. He's my cousin. 

Dark Helmet: Who is he?

Colonel Sandurz: He's an *sshole, sir.

Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?

Colonel Sandurz: That is his name, sir. *sshole. Major *sshole.

Dark Helmet: And his cousin?

Colonel Sandurz: He's an *sshole too, sir. Gunner's mate, First Class, Philip *sshole.

Dark Helmet: How many *ssholes have we got on this ship, anyhow?

(everyone stands but one)

Bridge Crew: Yooo!

Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by *ssholes.  Keep firing, *ssholes!

 

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