48 voters

The Most Hilarious Quotes From 'Stuber'

Updated July 17, 2019 249 votes 48 voters 1.6k views25 items

If you've seen the movie, we want you to vote for the best Stuber quotes. This is a daunting task, given that the movie has hilarious one-liners from start to finish. The screenplay by Tripper Clancey is packed with funny lines -- some raunchy, others more observant of human nature. It's probably a safe bet that there were a few moments of improvisation between the actors during filming, too. After viewing the film, you'll be making Stuber quotes to your friends for weeks. 

Directed by Michael Dowse, the movie stars Dave Bautista as Vic Manning, a cop hunting down the dealer who eliminated his partner. In an incident of comedic inconvenience, Vic gets a tip about where the dealer will make his next big drop on the exact same day that he has eye surgery. Because he can't see very well, he has to call an Uber to transport him around. Enter Stu (Kumail Nanjiani), the meek, mild-mannered driver who gets sucked into all sorts of violent and scary situations. As with most buddy comedies, the two men don't initially like each other, which leads to a barrage of cutting dialogue.

Vote up the most memorable Stuber quotes from the list below, regardless of which character says them. 

  • 5

    Defeat Him

    (Vic is fighting Tedjo)

    Vic Manning: Take the shot, Stu!

    Stu: Just defeat him!

    Is this a great quote?
  • Photo: 20th Century Fox

    No Fuel

    Stu: Nooo! It was a lease! How could it explode? It didn't have any fuel in it.

    Is this a great quote?
  • 7

    Ryan Gosling

    (Stu attempts to embarrass a criminal by taking his phone and posting on Twitter)

    Stu: I...love...Ryan Gosling. So...hot-t-t-t-t.


    Is this a great quote?
  • 8

    No Hugs For Vic

    Vic Manning (rejecting Stu's attempt to hug him): Save that for a tree.

    Is this a great quote?