48 voters

The Most Hilarious Quotes From 'Stuber'

Updated July 17, 2019 249 votes 48 voters 1.6k views25 items

If you've seen the movie, we want you to vote for the best Stuber quotes. This is a daunting task, given that the movie has hilarious one-liners from start to finish. The screenplay by Tripper Clancey is packed with funny lines -- some raunchy, others more observant of human nature. It's probably a safe bet that there were a few moments of improvisation between the actors during filming, too. After viewing the film, you'll be making Stuber quotes to your friends for weeks. 

Directed by Michael Dowse, the movie stars Dave Bautista as Vic Manning, a cop hunting down the dealer who eliminated his partner. In an incident of comedic inconvenience, Vic gets a tip about where the dealer will make his next big drop on the exact same day that he has eye surgery. Because he can't see very well, he has to call an Uber to transport him around. Enter Stu (Kumail Nanjiani), the meek, mild-mannered driver who gets sucked into all sorts of violent and scary situations. As with most buddy comedies, the two men don't initially like each other, which leads to a barrage of cutting dialogue.

Vote up the most memorable Stuber quotes from the list below, regardless of which character says them. 

  • 1

    Sarah Connors

    Stu: Hey, lemme guess, you want me to drive you to all the Sarah Connors in the city?


    Is this a great quote?
  • 2

    This Isn't 'Jaws'

    Stu: I've got an idea. I'm gonna throw this propane tank at them. You shoot it and it will blow up their car. 

    Vic Manning: This isn't f*cking Jaws!

    Stu: Exactly! Just like Jaws

    Is this a great quote?
  • 3

    He Kidnapped Me

    Nicole Manning: So, how do you know my dad?

    Stu: He kidnapped me. We killed some people.

    Nicole Manning: Huh.

    Is this a great quote?
  • 4

    Baby Gun

    Vic Manning: It's a baby gun. It allows you to fire it while crying.

    Is this a great quote?