Photo: Tommy Boy / Paramount Pictures

The Most Hilarious 'Tommy Boy' Quotes

The best Tommy Boy quotes show what a dynamic comedic duo Chris Farley and David Spade were in the '90s. The two starred in a handful of classic comedies together like Black Sheep from 1996 and Coneheads in 1993. With that being said, none are quite as beloved as their 1995 movie, Tommy Boy, about the son of an auto parts magnate, Tommy Callahan, who will travel with his friend, Richard Hayden, to try to save the company. They get into various misadventures along the way, and audiences laughed all the way to the bank. With such dialogue as the Tommy Boy butcher quote, and the Tommy Boy guarantee quote. But which of these is the best Tommy Boy quotes? You get to help decide with your votes.

Funny and famous Tommy Boy lines abound on this list. But which ones still keep you in stitches? Vote for your favorite Tommy Boy quotes to prove why it is such a great cult classic comedy. 

Photo: Tommy Boy / Paramount Pictures

  • Paint Chips
    Photo: Paramount Pictures
    24 VOTES

    Paint Chips

    Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

    Tommy Callahan: [Laughs] Why?

    24 votes
  • It's Called Reading
    Photo: Paramount Pictures
    24 VOTES

    It's Called Reading

    Richard Hayden: It's called reading! Top to bottom, left to right... a group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches... Midol for any cramps.

    24 votes
  • They're Called Doctors
    Photo: Paramount Pictures
    22 VOTES

    They're Called Doctors

    Tommy Callahan: Did you hear I finally graduated?

    Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.

    Tommy Callahan: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.

    Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.

    22 votes
  • Melted Chocolate
    Photo: Paramount Pictures
    21 VOTES

    Melted Chocolate

    Richard Hayden: Oh, that sounds good! Melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.

    Tommy Callahan: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that.

    Richard Hayden: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

    Tommy Callahan: Your... your brain has the, the shell on it.

    Richard Hayden: Are you talking?

    Tommy Callahan: Shut up, Richard.

    21 votes
  • Bees!
    Photo: Paramount Pictures
    28 VOTES


    Tommy Callahan: Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge and they're sting crazy! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!

    28 votes
  • The Butcher's Word
    Photo: Paramount Pictures
    45 VOTES

    The Butcher's Word

    Tommy Callahan: I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's a**, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.

    45 votes