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The Most Hilarious 'Tommy Boy' Quotes

May 8, 2020 493 votes 54 voters 2.1k views25 items

The best Tommy Boy quotes show what a dynamic comedic duo Chris Farley and David Spade were in the '90s. The two starred in a handful of classic comedies together like Black Sheep from 1996 and Coneheads in 1993. With that being said, none are quite as beloved as their 1995 movie, Tommy Boy, about the son of an auto parts magnate, Tommy Callahan, who will travel with his friend, Richard Hayden, to try to save the company. They get into various misadventures along the way, and audiences laughed all the way to the bank. With such dialogue as the Tommy Boy butcher quote, and the Tommy Boy guarantee quote. But which of these is the best Tommy Boy quotes? You get to help decide with your votes.

Funny and famous Tommy Boy lines abound on this list. But which ones still keep you in stitches? Vote for your favorite Tommy Boy quotes to prove why it is such a great cult classic comedy. 

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  • Photo: Paramount Pictures
    1

    The Butcher's Word

    Tommy Callahan: I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's a**, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.

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  • Photo: Paramount Pictures
    2

    The Guarantee Fairy

    Tommy Callahan: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.

    Ted Nelson: Go on, I'm listening.

    Tommy Callahan: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.

    Ted Nelson: Yeah, makes a man feel good.

    Tommy Callahan: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?

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  • Photo: Paramount Pictures
    3

    Fat Guy in a Little Coat

    Tommy Callahan: Richard? Is this your coat?

    Richard Hayden: Don't do it.

    Tommy Callahan: Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat.

    Richard Hayden: Don't

    Tommy Callahan: [Singing] Fat guy in a little coat. / Fat guy in a little coat.

    Richard Hayden: Take it off, d*ckhead, I'm serious!

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  • Photo: Paramount Pictures
    4

    Holy Schnikes!

    Tommy Callahan: Holy schnikes!

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