• Culture

The Top 20 Bible Passages to Use Against Fundamentalists

List of crazy Bible verses to shoot back at your Fundamentalist neighbors, ranked by how insane they are, especially in the context of modern life. Just because a verse is not a Commandment doesn't mean it's not in The Bible. Fundamentalists hold the most extreme and literal interpretations of The Bible, and many are quick to point you to a Bible passage for proof that the deeds of others are "evil." Want reason to think that homosexuality is abominable and condemns you to Hell? Check The Bible. Want to think molesting children is fine? The Bible says that's no problem - as long as you say some words quietly into your hands. Conveniently, Fundies ignore some of the most straightforward rules for no reason other than that they just don't fit in with the type of society they want. So, here are those forgotten Christian rules that need to be followed if they're really going to stick to their guns on the whole gay marriage, abortion, and child molestation thing.

DISCLAIMER: This list isn't meant as a hateful gesture towards Christians, but a way to fight irrational responses in debates with (fun) facts.

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  • 17

    Women Must Cover Their Hair During Prayer

    Photo: flickr / CC0

    "But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head..." 1 Corinthians 11:5

    Wait, so why the hell wasn't I allowed to wear hats in church? Fundamentalist Christian women seem to have forgotten this basic rule of church attire reminiscent of Islam. The Bible should have clarified what it means to dishonoureth one's head. Most women walk around with their hair uncovered in all styles in modern society and men aren't having too much trouble keeping it in their pants.

    How to Use
    Mary always wore a veil... why shouldn't they?


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  • 18

    Divorce And Remarrying Are Both Considered Adultery

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    "Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." (Luke 16:18)

    Okay, so no church should ever marry people who have already been married if this is the rule. If anyone in a fundamentalist's family has ever been divorced or re-married, then they are going to hell.

    Most people don't observe this rule because it clearly says in the Bible that you can pick and choose which rules you follow (it doesn't.)

    How to Use:
    According to this passage, all members of the congregation that have been divorced and/or remarried would be sinners and should be kicked out of the church. With a 50% divorce rate in America, it's safe to say that people are selectively ignoring this rule, yet somehow still seeing themselves as "pious."

    Just because you're not deeply religious does not mean you're not a good person, and what people are really effectively doing in ignoring certain rules of Christianity is not only proving that exact point, but proving that they believe it.

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  • 19

    No Intercourse During A Woman's Period

    Photo: Metaweb / CC-BY

    "...thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness." (Leviticus 18:19)

    No, this doesn't mean that guys aren't allowed around chicks that don't shower. That's fine (according to The Bible.) It means that when a woman is going through her "woman times" a man is not allowed to "approach" her, which in Biblespeak means intercourse -- much like "knowing" does.

    This passage forbids men from sleeping with a woman on her period, which in the Bible is known as "uncleanness." That uncleanness is of course the means to human reproduction and has been known as the bane of female existence for causing monthly cramps, breakouts, mood swings and mass destruction.

    Now, this is one to bring up to women because although a lot of people follow this rule anyway just for "hygenic" reasons (it's really hygenically fine, but some people are a little squeamish about blood), it's really a Bible passage telling men to stay away, and actively avoid women during a time in which they should probably be nurtured the most.

    Now we've uncovered the secret mission of the Bible: pit men against women. Forever.

    How to Use:
    Ummm...
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  • 20

    Love Thy Neighbor. Seriously.

    Photo: flickr / CC0

    "Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke [reason with] thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him. Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord." (Leviticus 19: 17-18)

    This pretty much means that every single Westboro Baptist Church protest is inherently Un-Christian.

    The Westboro Baptist Church, based in Topeka, Kansas has clearly forgotten this guideline, which is much more explicit than anti-homosexual Biblical references. The church is famous for being a hate group that protests at homosexuals' funerals and has nothing but contempt for any other religion besides its own. The church is using technology to hate on homosexuals through their website, godhatesf*gs.com and has a travel budget of over $200,000 to picket and disrupt funerals all over the country.

    They protest military funerals (protest in their context actually means "harass") and make one of the worst days of these people's lives even worse. This is what they do as a primary form of "activism." The scariest part is that these people actually procreate. They have kids holding up hateful signs and they teach their children the opposite of Christian values.

    They have effectively made hate speech accepted and legal by slapping the word "church" on their group, which is probably the smartest thing they've ever done.

    But if the Lord says love they neighbor, then what book are they reading?

    How to Use:
    Simply bring up the fact that all hate speech is inherently Un-Christian.

    You won't believe what horrible thing this church has done to one of its members.

     

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