Plots by James Bond villains all inherently have the same elements: a maniacal scheme, unlimited resources to accomplish it, with layers of needless complexity, henchmen in identical uniforms, delusions of grandeur, and of course, the inability to kill James Bond. But beyond all that, a good Bond villain plot needs to be insane. It should involve world domination, genocide, vast sums of money, and being so over-the-top that the viewer buys it not in spite of it being crazy, but precisely because it's crazy.
Every Bond villain has a scheme, and they're all crazy. But some are much crazier than others. Sure, SPECTRE wants to extort vast sums of money from the world, but is that crazier than Moonraker's Drax wanting to wipe out the population and start over with a master race? And Goldfinger loves gold, but does he love random killing as much as A View to a Kill's Max Zorin?
With the 25th official Bond film, No Time To Die, around the corner, here's your chance to rank every Bond villain's insane scheme by how insane it really is.
SPECTRE in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service"
The Plan: SPECTRE head Ernst Stavro Blofeld returns with a scheme to send 12 brainwashed ladies from his Alpine lair out into the world to unleash germ warfare that will sterilize all grains and livestock. He also seeks amnesty for his past crimes, hoping to be recognized as a count.How Crazy Is It? Extremely - but to what end? Blofeld goes to a ton of effort, building a mountain lair, training another private army, getting plastic surgery to change his look, and brainwashing a dozen women - just to make cows and wheat infertile so the world will let him off the hook. It's a complex and creative plan that entails a lot of work for very little reward.Nutty plot?
Colonel Moon in "Die Another Day"
The Plan: Presumed dead at the hands of Bond, Moon receives a "DNA transplant" and assumes the identity of a British playboy. In plain sight, he plots to design, build, and launch an enormous laser-wielding satellite in order to carve a path through Korea's mine-laden Demilitarized Zone, allowing North Korea to invade and conquer the South.How Crazy Is It? Hugely crazy. Even crazier than it sounds at first, since it involves conflict diamonds, assumed identities, double agents, a flying headquarters - and, oh yeah, a giant laser. Die Another Day's bad guy plot steals tropes from almost every Bond film released until then, but does all of it in service of something incredibly mundane: clearing a minefield.Nutty plot?
SPECTRE in "Diamonds Are Forever"
The Plan: Ernst Stavro Blofeld gives it one last try with a complicated scheme to smuggle diamonds out of Amsterdam to a giant laboratory in Las Vegas, where he's building a satellite that will use the diamonds to focus a super laser with which to hold the world ransom. Blofeld also uses clones and plastic surgery to disguise himself.How Crazy Is it? It's several shades of crazy, but shockingly banal at the same time. By the time Diamonds are Forever rolls around, Blofeld and SPECTRE have held the world ransom so many times that it's like holding the world ransom doesn't mean anything. Also, Blofeld's plan is crazy expensive. A huge laser, diamonds, clones, hordes of henchmen, and a satellite aren't cheap. Does this plan even ensure Blofeld will recoup his expenses? Why not just horde your stolen diamonds and corner the global market? Or make some monetary hay with the whole cloning thing?Nutty plot?
Raoul Silva in "Skyfall"
The Plan: Former MI6 agent Silva hatches a complicated scheme to steal a confidential list and get James Bond into his orbit, leading Bond to bed his sex worker girlfriend, and then end up captured by Bond - all so he can break out, have Bond chase him through London, dress like a cop, and kill Bond's boss M for betraying him years earlier.How Crazy Is It? The revenge aspect of the scheme isn't crazy, but Silva's plan is almost entirely dependent on coincidence and characters improbably doing exactly what they need to do at exactly the right time. This makes it skip crazy and go straight to ludicrous. Possibly the craziest part of the plan is that it has no reason for existing, as Silva could have killed M with the gas explosion he detonated at MI6 early in the movie. Instead, he adds layers of needless complexity, expense, and risk - all for the sake of achieving what he could have achieved more cleanly with little cost and virtually no danger.Nutty plot?