Plots by James Bond villains all inherently have the same elements: a maniacal scheme, unlimited resources to accomplish it, with layers of needless complexity, henchmen in identical uniforms, delusions of grandeur, and of course, the inability to kill James Bond. But beyond all that, a good Bond villain plot needs to be insane. It should involve world domination, genocide, vast sums of money, and being so over-the-top that the viewer buys it not in spite of it being crazy, but precisely because it's crazy.
Every Bond villain has a scheme, and they're all crazy. But some are much crazier than others. Sure, SPECTRE wants to extort vast sums of money from the world, but is that crazier than Moonraker's Drax wanting to wipe out the population and start over with a master race? And Goldfinger loves gold, but does he love random killing as much as A View to a Kill's Max Zorin?With the 24th official Bond film, Spectre, now in theaters, here's your chance to rank every Bond villain's insane scheme by how insane it really is.
The Plan: Genetically engineered by the Nazis and employed by the KGB, super-rich industrial guy Zorin plots to detonate a huge bomb under a key junction in California's fault lines, flooding Silicon Valley and leaving him as the world's sole manufacturer of microchips.
How Crazy Is It? Strip away the trappings and Zorin's scheme is really just the same "rich guy makes more money" plot that other Bond baddies employ. But it's those ludicrous trappings that make Zorin's scheme a Hall of Fame Bond villain plot in terms of insanity.
Zorin is certifiably nuts, killing his henchmen in droves and spouting quips like a madman. His scheme doesn't just involve destroying one fault with a bomb, it involves destroying the biggest fault with a nuke. It's got an Amazonian hit-woman, a mad Nazi scientist, rigged horse races, international assassins, and a fight above the Golden Gate Bridge. Evil plans don't get much crazier.Of course, in the real world, Zorin's scheme would actually have zero chance of success, because microchips aren't actually made in Silicon Valley, they're made overseas using cheap sweatshop labor. But in the Bond world, it's cracking mad.
The Plan: Gold magnate and golf cheat Auric Goldfinger devises "Operation Grand Slam" to detonate a nuclear bomb inside Fort Knox, radiating its gold reserves and making his own supply priceless. The Chinese government and American Mafia are in on it too.
How Crazy Is it?: It's pretty crazy, but it's actually less crazy than the novel that Goldfinger was based on. The book has a huge plot hole, with Goldfinger planning to steal the gold in Fort Knox - a scheme that would take weeks to carry out in real life. As it stands, Goldfinger's scheme to gas the garrison of Ford Knox and use his private army to bust into the vault and place the bomb is plenty loony, but is actually more practical than the one Ian Fleming came up with.What also would have helped Goldfinger's plan: not hauling James Bond around from place to place and allowing him to hear the scheme in its entirety as he explains it to a group of Mafiosos who he then gases for no reason except to give Bond an excuse to hear the plan. That might have helped.
The Plan: Former MI6 agent Silva hatches a complicated scheme to steal a confidential list and get James Bond into his orbit, leading Bond to bed his sex worker girlfriend, and then end up captured by Bond - all so he can break out, have Bond chase him through London, dress like a cop, and kill Bond's boss M for betraying him years earlier.How Crazy Is It? The revenge aspect of the scheme isn't crazy, but Silva's plan is almost entirely dependent on coincidence and characters improbably doing exactly what they need to do at exactly the right time. This makes it skip crazy and go straight to ludicrous. Possibly the craziest part of the plan is that it has no reason for existing, as Silva could have killed M with the gas explosion he detonated at MI6 early in the movie. Instead, he adds layers of needless complexity, expense, and risk - all for the sake of achieving what he could have achieved more cleanly with little cost and virtually no danger.
The Plan: Anarchist shipping kingpin Karl Stromberg steals two nuclear submarines from the UK and Soviet Union. He plans to use their missiles to nuke the superpowers, who will blame each other and finish the job. He's also constructed a massive underwater city to house the new society that will arise from the ashes of the world he's destroyed, riding out World War III safely under the sea.How Crazy Is It? A total rehash of the "get the superpowers to nuke each other" plot of You Only Live Twice, Stromberg's genocidal scheme falls apart not because of Bond (well, there's that), but because of one simple bit of science: water isn't fallout-proof. The radiation from thousands of nukes would almost certainly poison the oceans and make his undersea city uninhabitable. Oops.