Total Nerd 20 Characters Whose Body Proportions Would Probably Kill Them  

Stephan Roget
54.1k votes 9.3k voters 701.5k views 20 items

List Rules Vote up the characters who would just tip over in real life because their bodies couldn't support the weight of their own appendages.

The concept of fictional characters with unrealistic body types is a growing problem in our society. The covers of fashion magazines are bad enough, so we certainly don’t need cartoon characters parading unattainable bodies in front of the youth of the world. However, time and time again, we see characters designed with no respect for reality at all. Eyes are larger than their waists, they have breasts that would instantly induce horrific back pain, or they rock bulging muscles that would make Arnold Schwarzenegger insecure.

The worst examples of this are the fictional characters whose bodies are simply scientifically impossible. The unrealistic proportions of some cartoon and video game characters aren’t just unattainable for regular humans, they outright defy the laws of physics. If these characters tried to exist in the real world, they’d immediately suffer broken limbs, collapsed spines, and probably a severe lack of internal organs. In other words, they’ve been designed in a way that is not just unrealistic and disproportionate, but downright nonsensical.

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Arnold Would Have Destroyed His Mother During Birth

Arnold Would Have Destroyed Hi... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 20 Characters Whose Body Proportions Would Probably Kill Them
Photo: Hey Arnold!/Nickolodeon

Arnold, from Hey Arnold!, might have been able to get through life alright. Might. His mother, on the other hand, wouldn’t have a chance of surviving childbirth, as his gigantic, football-shaped head would surely ruin her body on the way out.

That lopsided dome would also mean that Arnold himself would have to spend his life wearing a neck brace, or risk snapping his spine and winding up paralyzed at the slightest provocation. Even wearing his trademark hat would be a risky move for the tragedy waiting to happen. 

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Popeye is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 20 Characters Whose Body Proportions Would Probably Kill Them
Photo: Popeye the Sailor Man

Some people in the real world have various oversized body parts that looked ridiculous when compared to the rest of their bodies. Rarely, however, does such exaggeration include the forearm, because who in their right mind would want that? The answer, apparently, is sailor men. 

Popeye sports forearms that are equal in girth to his own waist. The relative skinniness of Popeye’s upper arms would ensure that he’d probably obliterate his elbow if he tried to take a shot at Bluto. Maybe he should take it easy on that spinach.

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Gru is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 20 Characters Whose Body Proportions Would Probably Kill Them
Photo: Despicable Me/Universal

Gru, the most notable non-Minion character from Despicable Me, is obviously not designed to look like a well-balanced man. The character designers may have taken that a bit literally, however, because Gru does not look like a man who could stay on his feet for very long. His body is quite wide at the top and consistently tapers down to the bottom, concluding with what could only be described as “absurdly weak ankles.”

Gru is practically triangular, and anyone with triangle experience can tell you that they’re not fantastic at balancing on their points. At best, Gru would regularly break his ankles, and at worst, he wouldn’t be able to stand in the first place.

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Homer Simpson is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 20 Characters Whose Body Proportions Would Probably Kill Them
Photo: Fox

The Simpsons is a refuge where people go for laughter, not for realism. However, Homer Simpson’s weird physiology is frankly bizarre when applied to real life, so it bears mentioning. In short, Homer’s eyes are way too big for his head and face.

On the one hand, his skull could have ridiculously large eye sockets, but that doesn’t say much for the structural integrity of a face that is constantly getting bashed by things. Alternatively, Homer’s eyes could just be oversized, which means they’d be in constant danger of popping out. D’oh!

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#6 on The Greatest Cartoon Characters in TV History

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#1 on The Greatest TV Characters of All Time

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