Geoffrey Chaucer had a way with words. The 14th-century jack-of-all-intellectual-trades was an author, poet, philosopher, and bureaucrat, and he documented the stories of his time in a number of books, including The Canterbury Tales. The way he did was pretty remarkable – he invented some words, like laxative, and used others in ways that redefined English literature.
The slang Geoffrey Chaucer uses is nothing short of jaw-dropping. You might think Chaucer's Canterbury Tales are prim and proper, but you would be very, very wrong. The tome drips with sex and scatological humor. "Esement," for instance, refers to a man's sexual release; "queynte" is a rude term for genitals. And then there are the bathroom jokes. The slang in The Canterbury Tales will teach you countless new ways to describe butts and the stuff that comes out of them.
Check out this list for some colorful phrases to add to your vernacular – but don't drop them when a feudal lord is passing by. That's a recipe for disaster.
When you really, really need a kiss.
The best lady parts around.
Also known as helping him masturbate.
Male sexual release.
Grabbing a woman by the genitals.
When you assume your wife will cheat.
It may sound like kissing pants, but it really means kissing ass.
In this case, he's talking about a holy turd.
A taste for a younger sexual partner.
A word for sex with really negative connotations.
Grabbing one's rear (a "tuwel" is a chimney).
He's got no balls.
Your soul is black and you're going to hell.