List Rules Vote up the slang that makes you wish you could get wild in a wattle and daub hut.
Geoffrey Chaucer had a way with words. The 14th-century jack-of-all-intellectual-trades was an author, poet, philosopher, and bureaucrat, and he documented the stories of his time in a number of books, including The Canterbury Tales. The way he did was pretty remarkable – he invented some words, like laxative, and used others in ways that redefined English literature.
The slang Geoffrey Chaucer uses is nothing short of jaw-dropping. You might think Chaucer's Canterbury Tales are prim and proper, but you would be very, very wrong. The tome drips with sex and scatological humor. "Esement," for instance, refers to a man's sexual release; "queynte" is a rude term for genitals. And then there are the bathroom jokes. The slang in The Canterbury Tales will teach you countless new ways to describe butts and the stuff that comes out of them.
Check out this list for some colorful phrases to add to your vernacular – but don't drop them when a feudal lord is passing by. That's a recipe for disaster.
Taketh Hym By The Hand And Hard Hym Twiste Also known as helping him masturbate.
The Beste Quonyam Myghte Be The best lady parts around.
My Mouth Has Itched All Day When you really, really need a kiss.
For Any Lord To Leggen In His Bedde She's doable.
He Caughte Hire By The Queynte Grabbing a woman by the genitals.
I Will Have Esement Male sexual release.
A Stif Bourdon An erection.
About His Tuwel Grope There And Heere Grabbing one's rear (a "tuwel" is a chimney).
Ben Lyk A Cokewold When you assume your wife will cheat.
And Swere It A Relyk Of A Seint In this case, he's talking about a holy turd.
Kisse Thyn Olde Breech It may sound like kissing pants, but it really means kissing ass.
A Colt's Tooth A taste for a younger sexual partner.
Swyved A word for sex with really negative connotations.
Soules Goon A-Blakeberyed Your soul is black and you're going to hell.
I Trowe He Were A Geldyng Or A Mare He's got no balls.