Weird History Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time  

Melissa Sartore
322 votes 111 voters 2.4k views 15 items

List Rules Vote up the slang that makes you wish you could get wild in a wattle and daub hut.

Geoffrey Chaucer had a way with words. The 14th-century jack-of-all-intellectual-trades was an author, poet, philosopher, and bureaucrat, and he documented the stories of his time in a number of books, including The Canterbury Tales. The way he did was pretty remarkable – he invented some words, like laxative, and used others in ways that redefined English literature.

The slang Geoffrey Chaucer uses is nothing short of jaw-dropping. You might think Chaucer's Canterbury Tales are prim and proper, but you would be very, very wrong. The tome drips with sex and scatological humor. "Esement," for instance, refers to a man's sexual release; "queynte" is a rude term for genitals. And then there are the bathroom jokes. The slang in The Canterbury Tales will teach you countless new ways to describe butts and the stuff that comes out of them.

Check out this list for some colorful phrases to add to your vernacular – but don't drop them when a feudal lord is passing by. That's a recipe for disaster.

list ordered by

1
19 1
Taketh Hym By The Hand And Har... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
Taketh Hym By The Hand And Hard Hym Twiste

Also known as helping him masturbate. 

2
29 5
The Beste Quonyam Myghte Be is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
The Beste Quonyam Myghte Be

The best lady parts around.

3
24 4
My Mouth Has Itched All Day is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
My Mouth Has Itched All Day

When you really, really need a kiss. 

4
22 5
I Will Have Esement is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
I Will Have Esement

Male sexual release.

5
25 10
For Any Lord To Leggen In His ... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
For Any Lord To Leggen In His Bedde

She's doable. 

6
25 12
He Caughte Hire By The Queynte is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
He Caughte Hire By The Queynte

Grabbing a woman by the genitals.

7
16 4
A Stif Bourdon is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
A Stif Bourdon

An erection.

8
11 4
About His Tuwel Grope There An... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
About His Tuwel Grope There And Heere

Grabbing one's rear (a "tuwel" is a chimney).

9
9 3
Kisse Thyn Olde Breech is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
Kisse Thyn Olde Breech

It may sound like kissing pants, but it really means kissing ass.

10
16 10
Ben Lyk A Cokewold is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
Ben Lyk A Cokewold

When you assume your wife will cheat.

11
9 4
And Swere It A Relyk Of A Sein... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
And Swere It A Relyk Of A Seint

In this case, he's talking about a holy turd. 

12
13 8
Swyved is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
Swyved

A word for sex with really negative connotations.

13
9 4
A Colt's Tooth is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
A Colt's Tooth

A taste for a younger sexual partner.

14
6 5
Soules Goon A-Blakeberyed is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
Soules Goon A-Blakeberyed

Your soul is black and you're going to hell.  

15
4 6
I Trowe He Were A Geldyng Or A... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list Dank Chaucer Slang You'll Be Using To Disparage Franciscans In No Time
I Trowe He Were A Geldyng Or A Mare

He's got no balls.