Listen up, bitches: It's my birthday today (May 1st) and nobody ever gets me sh*t (well, perhaps sh*tfaced counts as a present, so maybe that's not 100% true), so I have compiled this list of appropriate gifts for your funny, loud, alcoholic friend, Danielle.
Titty GrabsFun and free for all!
- 84I have to assume sex addicts will give it up for free
Ginger MenNot to be confused with gingerbread men; I want the real, soulless deal.
MemesInsert me into your favorite meme
Kick People I Hate in the VajaySatisfying for both of us!
Make a Donation to Hurricane BiancaGo to www.hurricanebianca.com and donate a dollar. Or two. Or put the link on your social media page(s) so other, less tight-fisted people will contribute. Smiley face.
Give Me Your Airline MilesMama wants to fly business the next time she's jetting!
Say "F*ck You" to a BabyJust thinking about that makes me giggle