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Jokes Church Jokes  

Jack Napier
958 votes 131 voters 7k views

List Rules Jokes about church, priests, and preachers

List of Church Jokes and humor, culled from TV shows, films, stand-up comedy and pop culture. These one-liners and humorous anecdotes look at Church Jokes from a variety of perspectives, and try to find humor in wry observations, through irony and sarcasm, and even just by being silly. Human beings love to laugh, and being able to notice life's little absurdities can make even bad days seem a bit cheerier. Some of these jokes about Church Jokes are designed with that in mind, from amusing little witticisms to obscure references to puns. Others take a more satirical approach to the subject of Church Jokes, mining hypocrisy and criticism for laughs.

The jokes on this page take many forms and are written in different formats. Some have a very traditional set-up/punchline style, with the set-up in bold and the punchline written smaller in the space below. Others are more like mini-stories or scenarios, in which case they've simply been broken up in a way that's convenient and easy to read. Go through them all and vote for your favorites!
1 47 VOTES

The lost chapter of Genesis

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong. When you've had a disagreement, she will praise you! She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache, and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course, the rest is history......
44 3
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2 62 VOTES

Preachers dying wish

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything.Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."
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3 46 VOTES

God made us

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
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4 40 VOTES

The love of

A Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist pastor and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Fanny.
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