Food
4.9k voters

Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny

Updated June 14, 2019 11.7k votes 4.9k voters 129.8k views24 items

List RulesVote up your favorite coffee puns and humor.

Nothing starts the day off like a hot cup of coffee, except maybe a list of jokes about a hot cup of coffee! We don’t know about you, but the first thing we do in the morning is pour ourselves a nice cup of joe and sit down to work on a list of java jokes. If you’re a barista, coffee aficionado, or a caffeine addict, you’ll love these funny jokes about coffee. And if not, then you can go brew a whole pot of decaf! The rest of us will be busy giggling at this list of hilarious caffeinated jokes, while drinking our favorite brews featured in these monthly coffee subscription boxes.

Half-caf, decaf, half double decaf with a twist a lemon and a pump of pumpkin spice - we can’t keep all these coffee trends straight. What happened to just a regular old triple tall white chocolate mocha with six pumps of chai? If you woke up this morning and needed an extra kick, then this list of jokes about coffee will give you a pick-me-up that even the strongest shot of espresso can’t. So grind up your favorite bean and put the kettle on because this list of hilarious coffee humor is about to brew you up a good time.

Vote up your favorite jokes about coffee, and if you’ve got a joke you think we haven’t heard, then brew one up for us in the comments.

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  • 1
    245
    131

    Yo Mama so Stupid...

    She thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team!
  • 2
    913
    741

    What Do You Call Sad Coffee?

    Despresso. 
  • 3
    235
    171

    How Is Divorce like Espresso?

    It's expensive and bitter.
  • 4
    563
    469

    What's It Called When You Steal Someone's Coffee?

    Mugging!
  • 5
    454
    382

    How Are Coffee Beans like Kids?

    They're always getting grounded!
  • 6
    393
    327

    How Did the Hipster Burn His Tongue?

    He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  • 7
    326
    268

    What's the Difference Between Starbucks and a Prostitute?

    Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet! 
  • 8
    391
    331

    How Are Men like Coffee?

    The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night! 
  • 9
    334
    283

    How Does a Tech Guy Drink Coffee?

    He installs Java!
  • 10
    189
    155

    Why Are Italians so Good at Making Coffee?

    Because they know how to espresso themselves.
  • 11
    222
    199

    There Are Two Kinds of People...

    Coffee people and sad people.
  • 12
    111
    105

    Why Do the Lakers Have to Drink Their Coffee Black?

    They're out of KAREEM.
  • 13
    116
    150

    Why Is Coffee Better than a Woman?

    Coffee goes down easier.
  • 14
    77
    109

    What Are You If You Name Your Cats Cream and Sugar?

    You're probably drinking too much coffee.
  • 15
    85
    123

    What's Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee?

    Java the Hut.
  • 16
    96
    148

    What Did the Doctor Say after He Delivered a Baby Holding a Pumpkin Spice Latte?

    "Its a white girl." 

  • 17
    67
    105

    Why Is a Bad Cup of Coffee the End of a Marriage?

    Because it's GROUNDS for divorce! 

  • 18
    67
    123

    What's the Best Beatles Song?

    Latte Be! 
  • 19
    152
    299

    Why Do They Call Coffee Mud?

    Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  • 20
    174
    379

    What Kind of Coffee Was Served on the Titanic?

    Sanka.
  • 21
    94
    280

    What Did the Barista's Valentine Say?

    Words cannot espresso my love for you.
  • 22
    102
    301

    Why Are all Jewish Men Required to Make a Good Cup of Coffee?

    Because according to the Torah, he brews! 
  • 23
    70
    301

    Why Don't Snakes Drink Coffee?

    It makes them viperactive!
  • 24
    49
    325

    What Did the Fraternity Coffee Shop Specialize in?

    Fratuccino.