Food

Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny 

Jack Napier
Updated June 14, 2019 11.6k votes 4.8k voters 128.1k views 24 items

List Rules Vote up your favorite coffee puns and humor.

Nothing starts the day off like a hot cup of coffee, except maybe a list of jokes about a hot cup of coffee! We don’t know about you, but the first thing we do in the morning is pour ourselves a nice cup of joe and sit down to work on a list of java jokes. If you’re a barista, coffee aficionado, or a caffeine addict, you’ll love these funny jokes about coffee. And if not, then you can go brew a whole pot of decaf! The rest of us will be busy giggling at this list of hilarious caffeinated jokes, while drinking our favorite brews featured in these monthly coffee subscription boxes.

Half-caf, decaf, half double decaf with a twist a lemon and a pump of pumpkin spice - we can’t keep all these coffee trends straight. What happened to just a regular old triple tall white chocolate mocha with six pumps of chai? If you woke up this morning and needed an extra kick, then this list of jokes about coffee will give you a pick-me-up that even the strongest shot of espresso can’t. So grind up your favorite bean and put the kettle on because this list of hilarious coffee humor is about to brew you up a good time.

Vote up your favorite jokes about coffee, and if you’ve got a joke you think we haven’t heard, then brew one up for us in the comments.

list ordered by
1
What Do You Call Sad Cof... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Do You Call Sad Coffee?
Despresso. 
2
What's It Called When Yo... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's It Called When You Steal Someone's Coffee?
Mugging!
3
How Are Coffee Beans lik... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Are Coffee Beans like Kids?
They're always getting grounded!
4
How Did the Hipster Burn... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Did the Hipster Burn His Tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
5
How Are Men like Coffee?... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Are Men like Coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night! 
6
What's the Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's the Difference Between Starbucks and a Prostitute?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet! 
7
How Does a Tech Guy Drin... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Does a Tech Guy Drink Coffee?
He installs Java!
8
How Is Divorce like Espr... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Is Divorce like Espresso?
It's expensive and bitter.
9
Why Are Italians so Good... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Are Italians so Good at Making Coffee?
Because they know how to espresso themselves.
10
There Are Two Kinds of P... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
There Are Two Kinds of People...
Coffee people and sad people.
11
Why Do They Call Coffee ... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Do They Call Coffee Mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
12
What Kind of Coffee Was ... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Kind of Coffee Was Served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
13
Why Do the Lakers Have t... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Do the Lakers Have to Drink Their Coffee Black?
They're out of KAREEM.
14
Why Are all Jewish Men R... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Are all Jewish Men Required to Make a Good Cup of Coffee?
Because according to the Torah, he brews! 
15
What Did the Barista's V... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Did the Barista's Valentine Say?
Words cannot espresso my love for you.
16
Why Is Coffee Better tha... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Is Coffee Better than a Woman?
Coffee goes down easier.
17
Yo Mama so Stupid... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Yo Mama so Stupid...
She thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team!
18
What's Fat, Slimy, and D... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee?
Java the Hut.
19
What Are You If You Name... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Are You If You Name Your Cats Cream and Sugar?
You're probably drinking too much coffee.
20
What Did the Doctor Say ... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Did the Doctor Say after He Delivered a Baby Holding a Pumpkin Spice Latte?

"Its a white girl." 

21
Why Is a Bad Cup of Coff... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Is a Bad Cup of Coffee the End of a Marriage?

Because it's GROUNDS for divorce! 

22
Why Don't Snakes Drink C... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Don't Snakes Drink Coffee?
It makes them viperactive!
23
What's the Best Beatles ... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's the Best Beatles Song?
Latte Be! 
24
What Did the Fraternity ... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Did the Fraternity Coffee Shop Specialize in?
Fratuccino.