Drinks Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny  

Jack Napier
11.1k votes 4.5k voters 121.4k views 24 items

List Rules Vote up your favorite coffee puns and humor.

Nothing starts the day off like a hot cup of coffee, except maybe a list of jokes about a hot cup of coffee! We don’t know about you, but the first thing we do in the morning is pour ourselves a nice cup of joe and sit down to work on a list of java jokes. If you’re a barista, coffee aficionado, or a caffeine addict, you’ll love these funny jokes about coffee. And if not, then you can go brew a whole pot of decaf! The rest of us will be busy giggling at this list of hilarious caffeinated jokes, while drinking our favorite brews featured in these monthly coffee subscription boxes.

Half-caf, decaf, half double decaf with a twist a lemon and a pump of pumpkin spice - we can’t keep all these coffee trends straight. What happened to just a regular old triple tall white chocolate mocha with six pumps of chai? If you woke up this morning and needed an extra kick, then this list of jokes about coffee will give you a pick-me-up that even the strongest shot of espresso can’t. So grind up your favorite bean and put the kettle on because this list of hilarious coffee humor is about to brew you up a good time.

Vote up your favorite jokes about coffee, and if you’ve got a joke you think we haven’t heard, then brew one up for us in the comments.

list ordered by
1
897 713
What Do You Call Sad Coffee? is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Do You Call Sad Coffee?
Despresso. 
2
463 362
How Are Coffee Beans like Kids... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Are Coffee Beans like Kids?
They're always getting grounded!
3
597 489
What's It Called When You ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's It Called When You Steal Someone's Coffee?
Mugging!
4
431 350
How Did the Hipster Burn His T... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Did the Hipster Burn His Tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
5
421 343
How Are Men like Coffee? is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Are Men like Coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night! 
6
341 271
What's the Difference Betw... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's the Difference Between Starbucks and a Prostitute?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet! 
7
361 292
How Does a Tech Guy Drink Coff... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Does a Tech Guy Drink Coffee?
He installs Java!
8
220 162
How Is Divorce like Espresso? is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
How Is Divorce like Espresso?
It's expensive and bitter.
9
205 158
Why Are Italians so Good at Ma... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Are Italians so Good at Making Coffee?
Because they know how to espresso themselves.
10
242 210
There Are Two Kinds of People.... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
There Are Two Kinds of People...
Coffee people and sad people.
11
157 125
Why Do They Call Coffee Mud? is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Do They Call Coffee Mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
12
180 155
What Kind of Coffee Was Served... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Kind of Coffee Was Served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
13
111 109
Why Do the Lakers Have to Drin... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Do the Lakers Have to Drink Their Coffee Black?
They're out of KAREEM.
14
103 115
What Did the Barista's Val... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Did the Barista's Valentine Say?
Words cannot espresso my love for you.
15
113 129
Why Are all Jewish Men Require... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Are all Jewish Men Required to Make a Good Cup of Coffee?
Because according to the Torah, he brews! 
16
129 155
Why Is Coffee Better than a Wo... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Is Coffee Better than a Woman?
Coffee goes down easier.
17
102 131
What's Fat, Slimy, and Dri... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee?
Java the Hut.
18
106 137
Yo Mama so Stupid... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Yo Mama so Stupid...
She thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team!
19
79 121
What Are You If You Name Your ... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Are You If You Name Your Cats Cream and Sugar?
You're probably drinking too much coffee.
20
76 118
Why Is a Bad Cup of Coffee the... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Is a Bad Cup of Coffee the End of a Marriage?

Because it's GROUNDS for divorce! 

21
102 159
What Did the Doctor Say after ... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Did the Doctor Say after He Delivered a Baby Holding a Pumpkin Spice Latte?

"Its a white girl." 

22
76 129
Why Don't Snakes Drink Coffee? is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
Why Don't Snakes Drink Coffee?
It makes them viperactive!
23
71 137
What's the Best Beatles So... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What's the Best Beatles Song?
Latte Be! 
24
52 137
What Did the Fraternity Coffee... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny
What Did the Fraternity Coffee Shop Specialize in?
Fratuccino.